Yes I’m a taurean, but I’m also a horse (Chinese horoscope as 1954 was the year of the horse). I wish I could say I’m a typical Taurean horse but what exactly is that? I do have the traits of both but then they do overlap somewhat. At the moment I feel out of it, my pain was so bad I’ve taken double the recommended daily dosage in the last 8 hours and may start to fade in out. In the words of Oscar Wilde, I can resist everything except temptation. Feeling down for four reasons but I won’t go into this here (it won’t help me and might depress anyone reading this blog).
The proverbial bull in a china shop, which is how I’ve been feeling for the last week, rain has been persistently coming down and we no longer need the water so why doesn’t it just stop for a month or two or rain at night when people are in bed. Seems that whoever said the people with the highest IQ’s stay up later and get less sleep must have been reading my mind, which has started wandering again. I’m just going to go with it as it might make sense when I read this post back. Anyway, I tend to go to bed between 4 and 5:30 a.m. and get up again round about 8:30 most days, others I’ll be awake but just lie in bed reading tweets on my iPhone. All depends on how I’m feeling. The illness I have used to be called manic depression which was me to a T. I was either the life of the party or else everyone avoided me so they didn’t feel like killing me, and I do mean everyone. I now have more bad days than good, when it rains my back and legs seize up making exercise extremely painful and almost impossible. I therefore start feeling “blue” but I mean suicidal blue, not just slightly peeved blue. At least when the sun shines I can move fairly freely and when the mood takes me I will go out for a walk to get some fresh air and exercise.
I can hardly walk when it’s cold and damp or even when it’s warm and damp, on these occasions I have fallen down the stairs, fallen when getting out of bed or getting out of a chair. I feel useless and a drain on the NHS so if taking an overdose of opium kills me then so be it. My mind is racing around and I can’t really keep up any more, since no-one is reading these and probably never will then no-one will know how I’m feeling or what I’m going through. I really do wish I could just end it all, death however only visits me, he never stays and so far hasn’t called me to follow him. I first met him when I was a toddler and contracted meningitis, Since then there have been another seven or eight occasions when he has visited me but doesn’t even stay for a cuppa.
If anyone has any idea how to cure what I’ve got then please get in touch by sending an undressed elephant to this account. Time to go my friend, I need to get a drink and have some more tablets before the pain deprives me of the chance to do more than crawl inside my head, it is a very dark place just now and the less time I spend there the better I like it…..