The love you take is equal to the love you make

Here I am again, Wednesday, mid-week and to all those with jobs they hate it is hump day again. Music today is from the fab four (again, yes dear reader, again). Copyright is owned by Universal Music and Northern Songs not me but please enjoy as you read the musings of an introverted extrovert.

If depression were a physical illness it would take so many forms it would be seen as a virus, it comes upon those of us prone to the illness without warning and how we deal with it depends on how deeply we have fallen.

I have been reading Susan Calman’s book “Cheer Up Love” which deals with the Crab of Hate (Susan’s depression/paranoia/anxiety) and offers tips for those who don’t suffer with depression on what not to say to someone affected by depression. To give you a couple of examples of my own pet hates which people say to me when I’m in the depths and everything looks black and uninviting:

1. Cheer up love! This makes me think they are condescending to me because they don’t understand how much I want to die. They could at least offer me a gun, knife or rope so I can do the job properly.
2. Pull yourself together love! I’m not a pair of fucking curtains, if it was easy to pull myself out of the darkness don’t you think I would do it? I hate feeling this way and there is nothing I can do when people talk down to me but want to smack them in the mouth which wouldn’t make either of us feel better.

It is much better to ask things like “How are you today?” but you have to be prepared for the long explanation, if it comes. Most depressives will answer that with “I’m not too bad thanks, how are you today?” This doesn’t mean they are feeling good within themselves, just that they don’t want to talk about the dark mood they are in.

Depression is one of the worst illnesses because it is all about you. You are focusing on the things you perceive as being wrong with you: too fat, too thin, ugly, unloved, maybe even hated. This can be hard for others to deal with. So we try not to burden anyone with how we are really feeling.

I took a CBT therapy class once and the therapist took the time to listen to my views on what was wrong and then told me I had to re-learn how to cope by not focusing on the big picture as this was just going to keep the downward spiral going. After 10 weeks he got me to the point where I could go into a crowded supermarket without having a panic attack. Going out wasn’t a problem as I could avoid people easily when out and about, I didn’t think I could face a crowded supermarket but by focusing on positives and helping myself I gradually got to the point where I could lead a happy and fulfilled life.

That doesn’t mean the black hole doesn’t try to swallow me up from time to time, it just means I now have coping mechanisms to deal with it. I feel that I am better able to deal with the dark hours as long as I act quickly enough. Doing things that I’m told that I can’t do is one of the best ways to lift my spirits. No I don’t mean kill someone or take chemicals to alter my mood, I mean eat ice cream, sweets, drink sugar enhanced soda, watch a movie (particularly a good (or even a bad) horror movie).

Different things work for different people and mechanisms help us to cope with the blackness when it strikes. The next time you want to tell someone to “Cheer up love” don’t. Try and ask them how they are feeling and be prepared for a long answer. Together we can beat depression, but don’t leave it to people like me to provide all the answers because depression hits everyone differently and there is no magic catch all solution.

Monday Funnies…

Monday funnies can be found every Monday on Chris the story reading ape’s blog page.

Goodbye sunshine I’m on my way I’ll be long time gone by the break of day

I just feel that I have to write a new post today, because of everything that has happened in Mexico, Ukraine and the UK today. Before I start here is the link to todays song provided from YouTube and I don’t own the copyright to it.

Firstly, the US fired (or threw) tear gas canisters into people looking to escape from the terror at home. They thought they would be able to ask the US for asylum to keep them safe and instead were met with even more horror.

This atrocity didn’t take place on US soil, so the US opened hostilities in a neighbouring country which is totally against the United Nations Charter on Human Rights since the US and Mexico are not at war with each other. People seeking asylum in one country have to be in that country so by keeping them out tRump is following his own agenda again. There has to be money in it for him or else he wouldn’t do this.

On the same day across the other side of the World, Russia under Putin, have declared water rights all the way around Crimea, which the world refuses to acknowledge as a Russian satellite state but still as part of the Ukraine. This means that Putin is also guilty of violating sovereignty of a recognised country and member state of the UN. This has to be followed up by diplomatic means with the threat of force to follow if Putin doesn’t immediately withdraw from Crimea and hand it back to the Ukraine.

Putin and tRump hogging the headlines again, what a surprise. Each hoping the other will hide what they are doing from the world, but forgetting that with the Internet we can all see what they are doing. If anyone had any doubts that they were in collusion recent events should have removed every last one.

Back at home here in the UK, Theresa May expects Parliament to get behind her half ass deal for Brexit, which will leave the UK paying the EU for decades to come to remain within the boundary for the single market and free movement of people, paying for the privilege, without a seat at the table and with the EU able to say when, or even if, we can get out of this. The EU would also decide when Gibraltar is given to the Portuguese and when a hard border would be put in place between Northern Ireland and Ireland.

The Irish don’t want a hard border and have told Mrs May that they will never accept a hard border since they voted to Remain within the EU. If a hard border is forced upon them they will introduce a bill through their assembly for a referendum to split up the UK, rejoin with the Republic of Ireland and get back into Europe that way, since the Republic has never tried to leave and has adopted the Euro as their currency.

If Northern Ireland voted to split up the UK (which is very likely given the strength of opinion there against the UK government) how long will it take before the Scots ask for a referendum? I reckon about 2 weeks, give or take 13 days. So with one stroke she has tried her very best to not only shaft the entire UK but will also seek to destroy the UK. The leavers won by a very small margin in 2016 but David Cameron was too weak to look at the result and ask for a second referendum before agreeing to leave the EU. Theresa May doesn’t want a second referendum so is trying to shaft the country to get her Brexit non-deal pushed through by MP’s.

Too many people have asked her to reconsider the deal and to ask the country before accepting it to re-elect her for a second time. She is currently in a minority government as neither of the major parties had enough MP’s to form a majority government. Most of the sitting MP’s have been told by their constituents to turn down this Brexit deal and they know if they want to be re-elected at the next election, whenever that will be, they have to listen to their electorate and vote the deal down.

The time has come to stand up and be counted, there is a resistance movement in the US to try and make tRump accountable for his breaches of power and also to prevent Russia meddling in the Politics of the American people in the future. We need to do the same in the UK, there is a swing away from Brexit now that people have learned the hard truth of what Brexit will actually mean.

Time to stand up and be counted, we need to stop the bullies now. End hatred and divisive politics once and for all and also find a way to unite our respective countries behind the new dawn which will see a fairer future for everyone. Accepting human rights for any group in our society does not diminish our rights, it strengthens them. Human Rights are not pie, they are what we should all have the right to expect as a minimum standard from everyone else. I would like to post a picture here if I can get it on my laptop.

This I found on a post by @MattStout07 on twitter. Like me he doesn’t hate anyone, tRump disgusts him as he does every decent human being on the planet and the fact his followers hate everyone that tRump hates also disgusts us. If you are already on twitter then you could do a lot worse than follow Matt and his husband but not very much better. He has the best sense of humour of any American I know, almost as much as the Canadians. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this post even if you already knew about the Real News stories I shared. If you didn’t know all of them, then I’m glad to have been of service, if you needed proof that there is a resistance movement afoot in both of our countries then there is and I’m so pleased that there is. There is also a resistance movement in good old Australia as well, being on the other end of the planet I’m not sure what they are resisting and for that I am truly sorry. If anyone knows please tell me as I would like to know what is going on there. Same with Canada, New Zealand and other country around the planet. If you have a government not doing its job to protect and unite its citizens then I’m with the resisters. Together our voices are stronger and louder than the arrogant bullies out there, no matter how many of them there are. We won in 1945 and we can do so again, whichever country is led by a gasbag who shouts down the opposition because he has no argument to put forward.

Now I know how it feels for you I’ve been wanting to die

Just for a change a song from the eldest son of John Lennon is the title for this weekend’s post. Video is from YouTube and the copyright is not owned by me.

As most of you will know, I am a huge fan of his dad, the comparisons have been made by others so I will not re-iterate them here. Suffice to say after hearing this song I went out and bought the album (Valotte) which I still enjoy listening to even after all this time.

If I could talk to any musician, alive or dead, John Lennon and George Harrison would top the list but don’t get me wrong, I would like to ask them if they had any issues in the USA when the Beatles toured there for telling the authorities they would not play unless the fans were allowed to mix. The Beatles helped to promote the Civil Rights Movement in the USA and I am proud to say I’m British because of this.

I have said in previous posts that there is nothing I will discriminate on, not gender, not sexual preference and certainly not skin colour. The other artists I would love to speak to are also dead and include Nina Simone and Billie Holiday (Lady Day). As black women they knew the worst things of racial segregation and being treated as niggers by their peers. No apologies for using the n word as it is made up and we need to take it back from the racists. John Lennon was criticised for his song Woman Is The Nigger Of The World but I understood what he was saying using language everyone could understand.

In an interview on 8 December 1980, he said the ones who took offence at the use of the n word were all the white middle class Americans, the working classes and blacks got the message and ignored the language.

The thing with language, dear reader, is it is always evolving. If it doesn’t evolve it dies, look at Latin, Egyptian and Greek. If we don’t celebrate life we will go the same way. I know how difficult that can be from certain perspectives especially at this time of year. If we can accept others for the way they are and go along with the fact we are all unique then the world can become a much brighter and better place for everyone.

There is a couple I follow on Twitter from the USA and they are currently faced with a sign in their home town which shows how small minded some Americans can be and feel empowered by their president to make their feelings public. The sign says “Diversity = White Genocide” and it couldn’t be further from the truth. Diversity is recognising everyone of us is different and celebrating our right to life.

I hope this post has made you think, entertained in some small way and brought you, my dear reader, some solace. If I have done that then I have achieved much.

Today is Thanksgiving in the USA

I would just like to point out that unlike in previous years when Presidents have spent Thanksgiving with the troops, this President is spending his Thanksgiving with his family in one of his many resorts.

He obviously has no sense of the loyalty of the troops in the US and abroad who are prepared to give their lives in the protection of their country. This proves, once again, that the current POTUS isn’t fit to lead his country. I know some people won’t agree with me but the MAGAt’s need to wake up and see the only person tRump cares about is tRump. He doesn’t care about anyone or anything unless it will promote his wealth.

Khashoggi’s death proves how little this POTUS cares for human beings killed by a foreign regime. He has been quoted as saying “It is what it is” and what it is is torture and murder of a US citizen on foreign soil for criticising a foreign Government and a repressive regime. Today, when you give thanks for your life and country which you stole from the indigenous peoples already living there, remember the wars that have been fought and the wars still being fought to keep you safe in your homes to kill each other.

Americans have learned nothing about humanity, although there are many living there who feel outraged by the current state of events there are too many accepting this greedy parasite to sit in the most prestigious place in the West, offering sympathy to the oppressors and refusing to allow anyone to investigate him for wrongdoing. The thing is, history will remember this administration as the most divisive, fear driven and detested administration since the late 1960’s early 1970’s. The thing is, however, I believe that Tricky Dick, hated as he was, was better liked and had more redeeming qualities, than tRump.

Music is provided from YouTube courtesy of Universal Music, enjoy but if you don’t then please leave a comment.

And when my mind is wandering there I will go

A lot of things have been worrying me over the past few weeks, some I have told you about on here, dear reader, some I have kept bottled up. Bottling things has always been a dangerous occupation for me as it leads me down into the dark recesses of my vivid imagination. The place where I am always put down and made to feel alone, unloved, unwanted and unworthy of anyone’s time and effort.

I started heading down the path that leads to my own personal hell where my inner thoughts are of death (my own), vengeance against those who have wronged me (only in my head, they may not have intentionally done anything to me). I hate going down this road because things start getting on top of me and I feel dirty, worthless and close to taking my own life. I have tried suicide 4 times in my life so far but thought about it more than that.

I am once again sinking into the abyss and this post is really aimed at all my dear friends on here to let you know that, if I do go quiet again, it’s me not you. I desperately need to feel that I can see light at the end of the tunnel and there is a purpose for me to go on. I am not sure what that purpose is since most of my life people have told me that I am useless and will never amount to anything. Seems that everytime I try to drag myself away from my demons the voice of my dad is there telling me to just give up and die because no one needs me, wants me or loves me.

While my mum was alive she could pick me up out of the darkness if I approached her, she understood what I was going through because she also had dark periods in her life and she knew how deep my father was hurting me. Now she has gone and I have no one I can turn to, my current wife also has dark periods when she needs me to be strong and help her through them and out the other side. She always takes and never gives, though so when I have helped her and feel myself slipping into my abyss she doesn’t want to know or help.

My dad is still alive but I only travel to see him once a year and that is a chore, he fails to see or understand that when visiting my mum (before she died) or my most recent mother in law (before she died) it was not out of obligation it was out of love. I visit him out of obligation as, believe me, I would rather not have any contact with him ever again. He has left me broken and dangerous with his put downs and his refusal to acknowledge I could do something worthwhile with my life. Seems like every time I start to have a little bit of something good I hear his voice in my head and I sabotage it. I have done this so often now that neither of my children want to know me, I have been married 4 times and divorced 3. I don’t intend to get another divorce but the current Mrs seems to be hell bent on destroying what remains of my self belief.

I find myself thinking a lot of what I had with my mum, various mother-in-laws (maybe not the first one but certainly the second and fourth). I lost more than I have ever gained in my life and without the feeling of inadequacy, guilt whenever something good comes along and the feeling that I am worthless instilled by my dad maybe my path would have been a lot different.

This post has been a struggle to get this far so I will leave you with the song inspiring this title, courtesy of Universal Music and YouTube here are the Beatles from Sgt Pepper.

Heading for your destination

Are we so blind that we cannot see what is in front of our eyes? If people realised that only someone who is guilty as sin would try to stop an investigation into tales of corruption and debauchery. He would have his ground ripped up from under his feet. You know when someone claims they want to stop an investigation because it is out of order they have something to hide. When someone says they are going to do whatever it takes to hide the truth they must have been lying from the start.

Just how long can someone lie about everything and get caught out before they get kicked out? The higher they climb the more their every word is dissected and the more their friends are questioned for complicity. Then the shouting gets louder about a witch hunt and they won’t find anything because it has been shredded. How do they know they haven’t already dotted the i’s and crossed every t?

Is he really so stupid that he thinks he can admit his guilt and still not be prosecuted for his crimes? Does he not remember the only reason Tricky Dick wasn’t prosecuted was because of his VP?  He won’t be that lucky, Pence will try to save himself and throw the lion under the elephant in the room. Where does he think we all are? We are backing the investigation because he is being caught out in so many lies and only those who are so blind they don’t want to see are taking in his every word. These people are diminishing every day that passes so how much longer can he go on bigging up his empire for the day he is no longer POTUS?

The places around the planet he will be able to hide is diminishing as quickly as his reputation for truth. The biggest spreader of fake news is sitting in the Oval Office tweeting garbage which people are fed up with. Spreading lies which no one believes anymore. Do I feel sorry for the mess he’s in? No, I’m too busy trying to come to terms with the garbage our own dear PM has got herself into and is going to leave it to others to clean up.

Music for this post is from the annals of history, courtesy of Atlantic Records here is Led Zeppelin from their third album courtesy of YouTube.

There’s nothing you can see that isn’t shown

I was reading a few tweets today which struck a chord in me. Women were saying they have to walk around men or else they get banged into several times a day. This shows me that even though we have started the transition through education we still have a long way to go.

How many women don’t report sexual abuse and rape because they fear being told it was their fault? I’ll tell you shall I, most of them. We have started educating the youth but the time has come to educate the grown-ups too. I cannot say it loudly enough that I may be a white male but I stand together with everyone who is victimised and made to feel that it is their fault. It is not their fault. We need to wake up and see the mess the politicians have made of putting things wrong by focusing on the rich and powerful for far too long. We have to stand shoulder to shoulder with those who don’t have a voice, who do have a voice but are ignored and those who want to make this world better for everyone.

POTUS 44 was someone we could trust as he was a man of the people, he never behaved inappropriately, showed compassion and (especially when Osama Bin Laden was served justice in Pakistan) joy. He was never afraid to call a spade a spade, to call out for change and try his hardest to have those changes implemented. Along with Michelle, his FLOTUS, they continue to work towards a just and fair system which is not going to be easy given the current climate in the USA. Currently the sitting POTUS is the most despised POTUS since Tricky Dick, and that is saying something.

Here in the UK the truth about the Brexit deal is that it is worse than no deal. We will be contributing to the EU coffers until they decide we can leave, without having any say in how our contributions will be spent. There will also be a hard border put in place between Northern and Southern Ireland, giving rise to a referendum in the North to leave the UK and rejoin the South (who remain in Europe) and therefore rejoin the EU by the back door.

This Government has laid down with misogynists, liars, bullies and tRump so why should we believe the lies any longer? Even her own Brexit Minister can’t bear the thought of the deal she is desperate to accept. We have long been campaigning for a second referendum on the deal thrashed out with the EU but Theresa May doesn’t want to allow this in case she loses face and the vote goes against Brexit and for Bremain. At least if we stay in we can have a say in what happens to any money we pay into the coffers of the EU.

Anyway this has been enough rant for this week please enjoy the music which was featured on the first satellite broadcast to all nations in 1967. Featuring the Fab Four and (I think) this is the version from the animated feature film Yellow Submarine. Copyringht is owned by Northern Songs and Universal Music and clip is courtesy of YouTube.

One thing I can tell you is You got to be free

Well, after last years 50th anniversary editions of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band we finally get the remaster of the best Beatles album after Revolver. The remastered album sounds amazing but I really need to get the super deluxe edition for the remastered mono version of the album. For those who don’t know there were different takes used for stereo and mono versions of this album, with bits left in the stereo that had been removed from the mono version.

When the Beatles albums were mixed for stereo by George Martin he seemed to move all the instruments to one channel and the vocal to the other. This gave DJ Kenny Everett the opportunity to offer a sing along to The Beatles on his radio shows. Paul seems to know how to mix stereo for the best effect, John said he never liked stereo (I wonder if that was because of the mix?) I never understood quadrophonic sound as I only have 2 ears.

In my humble opinion, as a life-long fan of the Beatles (well not quite as I was 9 when they burst onto the scene from (it seemed) another planet) the 5 best albums they issued were:

1 – Revolver

2 – The Beatles

3 – Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band

4 – Abbey Road

5 – Rubber Soul.

As I said this is my top 5 of their 12 UK album releases. Others will have different albums they enjoy more and that’s fine, some don’t even like the Beatles. If you have different faves then please let me know. It would be good to know what your favourite albums by the Beatles were, what other groups you enjoy and whether or not you still listen to albums or if you have playlists made up of tracks by people.

It seems to me that there is a huge backlash happening at the moment in the USA and the UK. Our respective Governments seem to have fallen out of favour, however, here in the UK our trusted opposition seems to be in-fighting and isn’t ready to take control of the situation. I am still not convinced that Brexit will leave us in a strong position, I would like to see borders destroyed not have new ones put up. Of course Northern Ireland and Scotland have given notice that if Brexit weakens their current opportunities within Europe they will seek to have referendum’s seeking to break up the UK. The last time Scotland did that it failed by less than 5% but with Brexit being rejected by Scotland they could go for independence this time.

Northern Ireland want to maintain free travel between North and South and if Brexit imposes a hard border between the two parts then a vote to leave the UK would re-unite Ireland into one country and take them straight back into the EU, just as happened when the USSR fell and Germany was re-united.

This is becoming far too political for my liking, so let’s take it down a notch with music from the Fabs, Come Together from Abbey Road courtesy of YouTube.

You made your bed an’ now you’re trying to hide it

Here we are at the tail end of the weekend and once again I wish I was on my own. I am fed up with being a punch bag for my wife. She does something wrong (like spilling a drink all over the rug) when I’m nowhere near her and it’s my fault. When I ask her how it’s possibly my fault she hits me on the back of the head.

This used to be once in a blue moon but just recently it’s becoming much more frequent. I don’t know why or what I’ve done to deserve this treatment but I fail to see why I should be the one to leave. Anyway, enough of my problems and let’s get down to what has really boiled my piss today.

Remember between 2009-2017 the President of The USA was someone we could all believe in and get behind, he couldn’t do enough to try and unite the country and the West and life seemed to be getting better for everyone. Then everything changed in 2017 when the current POTUS took over the mantle and suddenly he was telling lies, sometimes such whoppers that people couldn’t see how he could get away with it, his followers treated every statement as the truth and anyone calling the President’s good name for lying would shoot, bully, intimidate and shout them down until they gave up. Now even his most powerful advocate (Rupert Murdoch) has gone silent as though he feels that there is no point in defending the man any longer as he has gone too far this time.

In Paris yesterday, the President said he didn’t feel like going to show respect for the fallen during the Great War (World War 1) as it was raining. Maybe it was raining but that would not have put off George W. Bush, Barack Obama or Bill Clinton. They would have still gone and made a speech about the sacrifices made to protect others. But then they weren’t draft dodgers like tRump. I have nothing against draft dodgers who didn’t want to fight in an unjust war, the majority of them had good reasons for not going to Vietnam. tRump didn’t he just wanted to try and recoup his losses. The guy has been bankrupt so often he is misusing his position to continue doing business and boost his company while he is President.

This has to stop, and I feel sorry for the vast majority of Americans who are being duped, having faulty voting machines so that their votes for Democrat candidates were changed to votes for dead Republican candidates. Or even live GOP candidates. The entire thing reeks of tRump being the most corrupt POTUS since Tricky Dick in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s.

Anyway, thank you for reading this rant and I’m sorry it has been a rant. Music today was a last minute deal and is from Status Quo to honour Rick Parfitt. Copyright is not owned by me and the video is from YouTube.