barclaydave

Just another WordPress.com site

Month: April, 2019

Some have gone and some remain

Yesterday, I turned 65, still don’t feel that old. I was in Liverpool for Storm Hannah, not specifically for that storm with high winds and rain. I was there to go to The Beatles Story in Albert Dock. In honour of the group and the visit I thought what better music to accompany this post than one of the fabs better songs from a fantastic album (not Sgt. Pepper’s) so here you have, from Rubber Soul a song I enjoy from the second best Beatles album close on the heels of Revolver and ahead of the aforementioned Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Copyright is not owned by me and apologies if the video won’t play where you are.

Here are the pictures I took yesterday while wandering around following the Beatles Story from the Casbah to India and the bitter end in London. There was also a section dedicated to all four following the break up, with a further section for John Lennon who was taken from us too soon. Not so much writing this time but I will make up for that next time.

Hope you enjoy the pictures from the world in the 1960’s as seen by four guys who loved each other from the time they all met in 1959 and 1961 until the bitter end in April 1970 when Paul McCartney announced he was leaving the Beatles (this was a few months after John Lennon told him, George and Richie that he “wanted a divorce”).

Advertisements

You are my strength

Music to accompany this post is from the maestro, John Lennon. Video is courtesy of YouTube, copyright is not owned by me but by Apple Records/EMI and the video is not owned by me. If we can make the world a better place and don’t then the chaos is our fault.

We can all make the world better by doing what needs to be done, I was watching a drama show yesterday and one thing that really hit home (to me anyway) is the pressure we all feel when observing an act of violence. We pay our policemen and women to protect us and keep us safe yet we will stand around and watch when someone is attacked in broad daylight. Some will have their phones out and video the attack (crime or whatever) being carried out. They are doing something productive only if the video is given to those keeping us safe. With clear shots of the guilty parties in order to bring them to justice.

I believe that no one has the right to terrorise people whether they are gangstas on the streets of New York, Washington, Los Angeles, London or Birmingham (AL or UK) or even sitting in the highest elected position in the UK or USA. No one is above the law and anyone who breaks the law, whether it is driving while drunk or refusing a legal obligation to hand over tax returns, should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

I would like to remind those in positions of power that they answer to the common rank and file of the electorate and not the Prime Minister or the President. I know in Washington the House will not hesitate to impeach the POTUS for breaking the law and not handing his tax returns over, obstructing justice and lying to the people of the USA. Similarly our Prime Minister on this side of the pond lies and ignores the electorate at her peril.

In the USA members of the House and Senate are sworn in to protect the constitution and uphold the values of that document. That means they should not follow party politics and instead uphold the law of the land. I have seen a lot of Presidents come and go over the years, some great some crooked, the current incumbent is doing everything to further his own aims, increase his wealth and subvert those trying to make him accountable to the normal rank and file of the country.

I follow a lot of people on twitter and on here whose first language is not English, the reason is that peace can only be won if we all, from every nation, say enough is enough and come together. Some of the posts can be translated for me to understand, however, not every language is translated using Google. However, if we are to hold governments accountable we have to work together and have no grounds for not doing so. We can only make changes to the world we are occupying by working together. I am in favour of doing everything we can to help our fellow travellers, that means not remaining silent when our speech can make changes and protect the vulnerable.

I don’t know what has happened to society in recent years when racism, bigotry, misogyny and hatred are running rampant in two of the most powerful countries in the world sponsored by Russian oligarchs and the Russian President. I would like to work with my fellow travellers to ensure that every single person on this planet has the right to life. Saudi Arabia have just executed 37 people who opposed the Saudi royal family on trumped up charges. If we refuse to hold them accountable because they happen to sit on tremendous reserves of oil, the same fuel which is destroying the environment and planet quicker every day.

We have to find a sustainable option to oil and a lot quicker than currently being done so that crimes against humanity are not swept under the table. I am not alone in wanting to find criminals accountable for their crimes. There is no way that any criminal should ever be given a free pass for their crimes no matter what position they hold. Murder is still murder whether it is carried out by Joe Bloggs or the Saudi Prince. Anyone who is found guilty of a crime in a court of law by a jury of their peers has no recourse against that decision without new evidence coming to light. Anyone found guilty of a crime without any trial and a confession extracted by torture should not be taken as truth.

I believe that everyone accused of a crime has the right to a trial unless they plead guilty and the sentence should then fit the crime and the plea. Without the appearance of transparency we have nothing, trials being conducted behind closed doors with no one present but the judge, accused and counsel has no transparency. The condition of the accused is never released either so how do we know he has never been tortured in countries where torture is the norm?

Where the ocean wears the shore down

Music today is from the Dukes Of Stratosphear and copyright is owned by XTC and the music label (not sure which one since this was a home demo). Very psychedelic track and the vocal sounds as though it was Mr. McCartney from around early 1970.

Been hearing and reading such a lot about tRump and his comments when Notre Dame cathedral was burning and after. The man is an idiot, wanting to air drop water on an ancient building which was still being used. Then afterwards calling it a Museum, doesn’t he know the difference between a cathedral and a museum?

Anyway enough about the idiot, we have heard the tales of how CA hacked Facebook and used people’s profiles in the USA to hijack the 2016 Presidential election, and the profiles of UK citizens to hijack the referendum in the same year. It turns out that they were paid by the Russians (directly) and also received money from Leave (in the UK) and tRump (in the USA). That’s why the 2016 results should be declared null and void in both countries and a return to the countries populations today to run a fair campaign where everyone can stand by the result.

I know that there are those in both countries who are not happy that they will have to pay the price for breaking the law and being caught out. If they didn’t want to do the time they never should have committed the crime. All the racists raising their voices in other countries should now be running scared, the company responsible for the hacks has been forced out of business and we have to ensure that no other company comes along to pick up the sleaze where they failed.

I don’t believe that anyone is continuing to fall for the lies and half truths any longer but there are some idiots who will jump when someone starts giving them permission to do so. The idiot who started spouting off at poor old Mo in that shop has been arrested for hate crimes and I hope he does a lot of years in jail for his verbal abuse of both Mo and the young lady who filmed the incident. (She was never ever in front of the camera but the idiot kept calling her a stupid bitch and that is not something to say to any woman). If we can prevent this type of horror happening in our countries then we should all be willing to take our cameras out and film the perpetrator during the crime.

If we have proof like that then there is no defence that the crime was not committed. I believe in the power of the silent majority to change the world. Why should we be held back and pushed into the bad old days by the voice of hatred and division? Those who fear for their jobs are the ones who seek to divide and turn neighbour against neighbour. People like tRump, May and those in power in Australia and parts of Canada are using hate to alienate and divide so they can conquer. If we stand united and refuse to hate our fellow passengers on this trip around the sun we can leave them cold and alone with nowhere to hide.

Going back to my first flight, I flew from Heathrow to LAX and the flight was bumpy most of the way so we were told to remain in our seats, however, the cabin crew were amazing getting round to everyone with drinks and snacks. They also entertained those who were terrified in order to calm them down and I don’t think for a minute that they were any more stressed than they would have been on a smooth flight. Virgin Atlantic cabin crew were amazing that flight and again on the return flight, but that was smoother with fewer bumps in the road.

I have flown with British Airways more times than enough and also with Emirates, BA is the best out of these two but Virgin Atlantic still have the best crews so far. (Of course I can’t compare current crews since I have only flown Virgin twice in 1992). I have also flown American Airlines and that was a domestic flight within the USA (New Jersey to New Orleans). However, that flight crew were alright but we never had meals or drinks during the 3 hour flight. I know not everyone enjoys flying (my wife is fine in the air but hates take off and landing) but for those of us who do there really isn’t anything like it.

I have been thinking a lot about why I am here, especially after discovering my cousin Jimmy took his own life several years ago, having been so low I have contemplated doing it a few times and tried it twice without success. Suicide is never the easy way out, it takes a lot to kill someone and a heck of a lot more to kill yourself. Why then do people allow their friends to become so low and in a place so dark that they see no way out for themselves? All it takes is a phone call, or a text, asking them how they are and they stop feeling so lonely and can often decide to see what the rest of the day, the next day and even the rest of the week is like. If you have a friend who is prone to dark and deep depressions reach out and ask them how they are doing. (Word of advice never ask them how they feel unless you are strong enough to get the darkness put out for you to smell and touch).

As I have mentioned to others in the past, dear reader, there is never a right length of time to be in someone’s life, we will touch others right through our lives. If you take a second to check out It’s A Wonderful Life with James Stewart you will get the idea. I have never gone for quantity with friends, acquaintances I have in abundance but friends I have only had a few, some for a few months or years, others for longer and one has so far lasted for the last 46 years, it won’t last much longer though as she is dying from cancer. This makes me feel down, if we can be there for our friends no matter what, it does make us stronger as people but the pain when they leave our lives with no chance to return is harder than anything else we will ever feel or experience.

I know I will do anything for a friend, and have done in the past, including going out at 12:30 (in the morning) to walk 2 miles home to get some paracetomol and then walked 2 miles back with it so that my friend could have some as she was in such a lot of pain. This was someone both Lyn (my friend with cancer) and I knew since Lyn worked with her in the typing pool and I used to hang around the typing pool a lot.

The point I would like to get across here is that both Lyn and Anne are women, I have slept in the same house as both at different times, never slept with either in the same bed, and Lyn and I have been friends for almost half a century. I care about a lot of things which go against my ethical teaching, people hating for no reason is never good, love is better. I pity those who have to run others down in order to feel better about themselves, I know enough about myself to keep going fuelled with love for my fellow travellers. If those who were able to pay did so, instead of making deals with their “friends” in high places to reduce what they do pay, there would be enough money, food and houses to go around for those without. Here in the UK our NHS service is being sold off by successive Tory Governments until the only thing that will be left is the costly and unprofitable areas (like patient care) and then the Tories will stop funding them and close wards, beds and hospitals down leaving us in the same condition as the USA.

Within the USA there are those Representatives who are trying to build a national health solution which will benefit every American whether or not they have health insurance. If they are trying to build a health system similar to our NHS, why are the Tories trying their hardest to remove ours and sell it off to the highest bidder when everyone knows how badly the system is currently working in the USA.

People may come, people may go

Music today is from two of the musicians who accompanied Prince in the 70’s and 80’s. Wendy and Lisa who helped Prince to become the Superstar he always wanted to be as part of the Revolution. Copyright in the song is not owned by me and the video is courtesy of YouTube, as always apologies if it doesn’t play where you are.

It’s funny how people come into our lives when we need them, then they will disappear, sometimes for a year or two then come back. I met a young girl in 1973 and she worked in the typing pool in the same Government building and I was a year older than her. She went down to London to work and we corresponded for a little while until I got married in the December. Anyway, we found each other again through the web site Friends Reunited in 2002, almost 30 years after losing touch. I have kept in touch with her ever since and a couple of weeks ago went to visit her and her sister in Dunfermline because she had cancer but it came back more ferocious and is killing her now.

To cut a long story short, we are still texting each other (she can no longer speak as her tongue was riddled with cancer and she had it removed which was why she went into remission. We text often and it’s good to be keeping in touch when she is so near the end, I hope she gets more help from the texts than I do because I’m not the one dying.

Another friend of mine lived near by to where I currently live but has not been heard from for the last 3 years and I don’t know if he is alive or dead. He went dark a few years ago for 18 months before calling round out of the blue to see me. That won’t happen this time though since I moved last year and he has never been to my current address. The flat I lived in has now been sold as well so he can’t call there and ask for my forwarding address.

If anyone has any thoughts on how to help me to not become too maudlin when thinking of both my friends (not the only friends I have but two of the closest) please let me know. I find that I write a text to my dying friend then delete it because it isn’t appropriate to tell her how I feel when she is suffering and dying.

I want to keep in touch but I want to cheer her up not bring her further down, especially when she is in so much pain. Endtran.

Now for some major gripes for no other reason than it’s good to get things off your chest and into the open. I have been able to cut down my pain meds again for a while but now I am in so much pain I fear that I will have to increase them again, is there any thing out there that I can use instead of the opiates? I really don’t like taking too many pain killers and want to keep at half the daily recommended dose especially since I am taking them every day.

On a less fractious note, Parliament has closed down for two weeks so there will not be as much crap in the news about Brexit. Everyone I know is fed up to the back teeth with May and her non-starter of a non-deal. The referendum, like the Presidential election in the same year, was hijacked and fraudulently won. Now the winners are claiming that no deal Brexit is better than a bad deal. Because they cheated, lied and stole the referendum result in England and Wales we deserve to have the final say and there should be 3 options under discussion, acceptance of a bad deal or no deal (either one of which will cripple our economy for decades and possibly centuries) and the final option to remain in the EU.

Any Brexit deal should only be for England and Wales since both Scotland and Northern Ireland voted to Remain they should be allowed to do so. With that I will close this brief blog and hope that I come back again soon.

she looked into her crystal ball

Music to accompany todays ramblings is from the Who; Pete, Roger, John and Keith. Copyright is owned by Track Records/PolyGram/The Who and video is provided courtesy of YouTube, apologies if it doesn’t play where you are.

I found this track (or maybe rediscovered would be more accurate) while listening to the 30 years of R&B box set. There is nothing I enjoy more these days than digging through my music library and finding something I haven’t listened to for years and playing it again.

There has been a lot of speculation about the state of the USA in light of the Mueller report and the fact that Individual 1 is getting to redact it before showing it to the House of Representatives is proof positive that there must be something there damaging to his presidency. If the report does in fact prove beyond doubt no collusion why not produce it in full and unredacted?

Meanwhile here at home in the UK we are still unable to find a solution to Brexit which is acceptable to everyone. I would go ahead with a no deal solution if that was what the majority wanted. However, the majority didn’t vote for Brexit, a slim majority of those who voted did vote to leave but what about those who didn’t vote? Those who were too young to vote in 2016? And the two countries who voted 60-40 in favour of Remain? Now that the truth is known and Leave cheated, lied and conned their way to a victory (smaller than they said they would accept before the outcome) the referendum should be declared null and void and Article 50 withdrawn. I’m not in favour of a people’s vote under these circumstances but since this Government is hell bent on Brexit at any cost I would ask that the people should now be given a say on whether or not we still leave. Scotland’s referendum should include a question about independence as should Northern Ireland’s to allow them to remain if that is still the will of their populations.

Anyway, if the politicians cannot decide what should be done regarding Brexit or impeachment. We all know there was a lot of controversy following the election and referendum in 2016 and Russia was involved in destabilising democracy in the two most powerful nations in the West (USA and EU). Therefore to carry on down the path of least resistance makes no sense to me. I am all in favour of people power, and have added my voice to a number of causes over the decades to change people’s perspectives and the law in regard to war and human rights violations.

Brunei is denying the rights of its citizens to openly come out and say they are gay. The son of the Sultan of Brunei has been outed as being gay and is now in fear of his life since his dad will throw the first and last stone at his head. When nations make a stand against a minority we have to unite behind them in order to publicise this afront and ensure it results in a positive change. I do not agree with violence and stand shoulder to shoulder with those persecuted for their beliefs and sexuality.

Everyone of us has the right to live wherever we want to and love whoever completes us. As I have said I am bisexual and have been with men and women, that is my right as a human being and because we cannot choose our sexuality no one can say what is right and what is wrong. Similarly, women and men who commit adultery do so because there is something wrong with their marriages. If the women are being victimised then how is that fair? It isn’t and Brunei should be made to realise they are in breach of human rights with their new laws and pressure can be brought to make them change these unfair laws.

There is a move afoot to boycott their hotels, this is okay in as far as it goes but the hotel chains owned by the Sultanate are so expensive they are out of the reach of those people like me who barely have enough money to live each month. The government of the USA and the UK can make their voices heard by condemning the unjust laws of other nations but at the end of the day they have no power to force any sovereign nation to change their laws, even if these laws are against the human rights we should all have.

I am not advocating violence but non violent protests are even more powerful to get the message across to those in power that they are not acting in the public interest on the world stage. Martin Luther King Jr. managed to persuade his followers to resist peacefully to have the unjust laws in the USA changed to benefit every American citizen. He was shot and killed in April 1968 for his beliefs. John Lennon also advocated non violent protests against human rights violations in the US and in Vietnam, he was also shot and killed in December 1980. This tells me that those guilty of human rights violations are not interested in discussing their flaws but very willing to kill in order to stop people bringing their flaws to the light.

I know John Lennon was assassinated for comments he made in 1965 off the record according to his killer, but no one believes that he acted alone and that was the real reason for silencing the great pacifist feminist who was John Lennon. If he ever is released then it will be too soon, he needs to be buried inside the penitentiary walls as a lesson to everyone that murder is not tolerated. Similarly policemen in the US who kill unarmed men and boys should be held to account for these deaths. I’m not saying there is never a need to shoot first and ask questions afterwards but there are ways to shoot that leave those shot still able to answer questions.

I know I can’t influence American politics or judiciary into doing what is right but together we can make those in positions of power responsible for their actions. I am against diminishing rights to privacy because everywhere there are cameras capturing almost everything we do, this has to be placed in consequence of keeping us safe. It also helps when a crime is committed to view the crime after the event in order to catch the culprit. This is necessary today in a way it never was before. When I was growing up there were no cameras on streets, very little street crime and certainly no one was afraid to go out in case they were stabbed or shot. Nowadays criminals are tooled up, guns and knives are on every street in the UK and I believe that the cameras can help to catch the criminals and terrorists in the act so that will enable the police to catch them and to prosecute them even when witnesses won’t come forward.

I felt a little like a dying clown

Music to accompany this post is from The Who, copyright is owned by Polydor/The Who and the video is courtesy of YouTube. Apologies if it doesn’t play where you are.

I have been reading a lot of posts from so-called Christians in the USA who support tRump. One of these states that the author will grab any woman by the breast if he wants since they seem to whip them out in order to feed their babies. Please, dear reader, correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t that the primary purpose of a woman’s breasts? To hold milk for a baby so that the baby gets the necessary nourishment at the correct temperature when it needs it?

Yet another one, when pulled up for grabbing a woman between her legs replied that he was told by his president that it is okay to do that. We seem to have taken a trip backwards in time through the past darkly, and returned to the age we thought had gone forever, when women were less than men. Women are better than men, they have taken abuse for centuries and only in the 20th century did we learn how wrong this was.

Yet again, we have had a report leaked to the internet because the contents were going to be covered up. How can we put up with this at any time and certainly now when the internet is open and therefore anything posted can be viewed by anybody? Is the whole Mueller report going to be leaked and posted online before we find out exactly how damning it is?

If we want to change perceptions then we have to use the internet to do this, we can also stop wars and bring those who pick on the weak, elderly, women and LGBTQIA+ to the eyes of those whose job it is to protect everyone. That is happening more and more and some idiots are even filming themselves hitting elderly people in gangs and showing everyone’s faces before posting the video online. We have to stop naming these idiots, especially if they kill, because that is their entire agenda. They want to be famous so if we refuse to name them they remain anonymous and maybe then we can see the hatred start to change.

If we refuse to allow ourselves and our neighbours to be victims of violence then we can change attitudes to crimes against people. How many of us have witnessed someone being told to “speak English or shut up” when we are shopping? Some of us will stand up against the bigot who is trying to run down someone for not speaking their language. I don’t care if you are a Republican, Democrat, Conservative or Labour or even an independent supporter. We can’t all be right all the time, to err is human to forgive divine. Not everyone can be forgiven but when the crime is minor then we can seek to forgive and bring the event to a close without anyone losing. However, when someone wins an election fraudulently then we should be able to reverse the decision in that election or hold it again with the parties acting within the law, checking that all facts are correct and no one is lying. There were too many elections and referendums stolen from the people in 2016 by lies cheats and foreign intervention.

On a happier note, my dad is doing quite well, his dementia seems to have been stopped from getting worse. If only I could forgive him for all the decade’s when he made me feel as though nothing I did was good enough or even just good, then maybe I could rebuild a relationship with him. Still, I will continue to make the effort to call in to see him from time to time and keep in touch when I’m too far away.

Love can’t get our minds off

To celebrate the life of MLK Jr. I chose today’s song since his message was love. This was the Rolling Stones response to being sentenced to jail time for drug use. Copyright is owned by The Rolling Stones/Decca/Abko and the video is supplied courtesy of YouTube. Apologies if the video doesn’t play where you are.

You may ask why I referenced Martin Luther King Jr today, the reason why is because yesterday was 51 years since his assassination in Memphis Tennessee. His message was civil disobedience to show the way black Americans were treated in modern America, 100 years after slavery was abolished in the USA. He promoted non-violence to get his message across and none of his followers were ever arrested for being violent. It was such a huge shock when he was killed in such a violent way by a White Supremacist and they are once again gaining momentum across the USA.

Racism caused far too many wars and riots in the 20th century so it can never be allowed to come back. In the 1960’s there were a lot of people who showed the way to make a more profitable future for everyone and MLK was one of these. Peaceful protest is never wrong, ask Gandhi, MLK and all the others who promoted civil disobedience without violence. Love is the only thing which will conquer hate. Fire may be beaten by fire (breaks) but hate will only be defeated by love. There is nothing we cannot do if we stand together.

I feel that anyone who is oppressed in order to silence them has been gravely mistreated. Hatred creates the furnace which will blaze strong and hot for a little while (possibly a century in the past) but with the internet and social media that would never be possible again. There are times when war is justified short term, when the cause is just. However, anyone killing another human being is never right unless it is done to prevent many others being harmed. That is, and should be, the only justification. Love can defeat hatred whenever it raises its ugly head.

Can we please get back to the entire point of our existence which is not to destroy one another but to help each other? If we help others then we also reap the rewards. In any modern society we have to accept that not everyone is perfect, it is our imperfections that make us unique and our uniqueness keeps us real. There is always a benefit to caring for others which we may not realise, whatever you do has a habit of feeding its way back to you again.

I know that it is hard to appreciate this fact that when you help others you make life easier for everyone. If we can help someone by doing nothing then that is the right thing to do, however, more often than not we can help by doing something. Something can be spoken, written or done. Actions speak volumes and violence is never the answer to anything, violence and inciting others to violence is the act of a desperate individual. We have seen so many people shouting down those who try to make life bearable for others. People in the USA and the UK (I’m sad to say) have been abused for not being white, not speaking English when having a private conversation with friends and the ones who have been complaining are saying more about their narrow minds than those they are criticising.

If we cannot accept others for being unique individuals then this says a lot more about us than it could ever say about them. I believe that we are all passengers in this life, on a trip around the sun, and we should be helping each other to get through this journey as best we can. If you are with me then speak to those in Government and let them know that where there is injustice, law breaking and corruption they should not follow the herd in siding with the law breakers to fighting this wherever it needs to be fought. Those who break the law, whoever they are, should be held to account and prosecuted to the full extent of the law, and given lengthy jail sentences wherever appropriate and not allowed to get away with their crimes.

Because together we will stand

Music today is from the late great Bob Hite and Canned Heat, copyright is owned by Liberty/UA and whoever the parent company is now, Canned Heat and the video is shared courtesy of YouTube so apologies if it doesn’t play where you are. Please enjoy as you read todays ramblings from a mind troubled by the hatred in the world today.

I have often said that alone we are a voice crying in the wilderness, together when we all clamour for the same thing we can become a force to be reckoned with. Because of the recent outpouring against the decision of Brunei to make it lawful to stone people to death (women and gay men) I feel that we can change the thinking of Brunei and make them think again about destroying people’s basic human rights.

There was no mention of stoning men who commit adultery, only women, but last time I checked it takes two to tango. Also the decision to stone gays (I take it lesbians are also included in this?) goes against every principle I hold dear. We are the products of our world and, straight or LGBTQIA, have the same basic human rights to live without persecution.

Because of the decision of Brunei to introduce barbaric practices, such as stoning people to death, the world is in uproar. Brunei will ignore this at their peril or risk bankruptcy when their hotels are standing empty and they can find no one to talk to on the world stage (apart from the tRumpster) who firmly believes that women and gays should not be entertained for anything other than ridicule or sex (preferably both).

On a less topical note, I have made a lot of my mum from time to time on here and I am deeply grateful at those who have taken the time to respond to my posts. I know not everyone had as good a relationship with their mom as I did, so I would like to say a huge thank you to those of you who have shared your failed relationships with your mother, I am sorry that you never knew a mother’s love the way I did. I can only re-iterate what I said to a friend, if you need to talk reach out to me, if I can help you in any way then I will. I will not judge and if anyone wants to get in touch by email then that is fine too. If you need my email address it is shown on my home page of this blog.

If you can’t find it then reach out and I will give it to you again. I hope to see other voices raised with mine in support of women and LGBTQIA individuals who often feel alone but they aren’t when they have friends such as me and others in the LGBTQIA family. We stand together against hatred whether it is aimed at us, blacks, browns and yellows. Under our skin we are all the same – human beings.

I didn’t want to hear it then

Music for this blog (which should have been the one from yesterday (I hope) before I got sidetracked with the USA). Copyright is owned by Spice Girls/EMI and video is courtesy of YouTube, apologies if it doesn’t play where you are.

Everyone of us believes that our mum is the greatest mum in the world, even though we get told off (often) scolded (again often) worry her (an awful lot) and consider her the greatest woman we will ever meet. I know in my life I have loved my mum, hated her for her irritation with me but always known that she loved me in return.

How many children think their mum knows best what is right for them? Probably no-one under the age of 30 believes that all the time, I know I didn’t. I now know that when she told me not to do something it was for one or more of 3 reasons, it was dangerous, it was illegal or it would cause me harm. At the time, at least when I was younger, I resented not being allowed to do things which would change my perspective. Hanging out of the bedroom window to look at the sky rather than lying on the grass made the sky look brighter. Looking at the grass from the same position made it look greener and browner at the same time (where it had thinned out).

Mum’s have the best job, they get to spend time with their children and form their ideas regarding right and wrong. Dad’s work and, therefore, spend less time with their children during the formative period (birth to 5 years old). However, father’s do enforce the child’s belief in themselves if they will encourage different viewpoints. I learned at an early age that friends are those who live near you, they will change as you move around and I have always tried to go with quality rather than quantity in my friends.

I counted my mum as a friend from the age of 19 when I got married the first time, she was the one who had my back when things started going wrong and she helped me out when I had nowhere to stay. Even though it got her into a lot of trouble with my dad she did take all the hate he threw my way without revealing what she was going through until much later. I was hurt when she died on a Wednesday since that was my day to call over and see her, the day she died I was down in Basingstoke to pick up my daughter and step-sons so hadn’t been over to see her that day.

Needless to say, my dad blamed me for her death for several years (1985-2008) because I hadn’t called over to see her! I cried every day from the time I found out she had died until the day of her funeral. As the eldest son I felt it was my duty to stay strong and hold things together that day to say goodbye to her. I got married for the second time a year later in 1986. My dad did succeed in pushing me away a few months later when I moved down to Basingstoke for the second time to take up a job at AA Insurance Services.

For those who still have their mum’s with them I would urge them to treat them with kindness every day of the year, on Mother’s Day, whenever possible, give them a day off. Treat them to breakfast, wash up for them and get dad to help you prepare every meal that day. Buy flowers often for your mum because you never know when she will be taken away from you. If you don’t treat her with respect today you may not get a chance to make up for it tomorrow. I guess what I am saying is love your mum and make sure she knows it always because it is often too late to make amends if you tell her you hate her the last time you see her alive.

I have been quite lucky in having a mum I could sit with and talk to, explain why I didn’t do things right all the time. Talk through any problems I had and get advice from her about how best to work through my issues so that they would work out for the best after all. The last thing I said to my mum was over the phone the day before she died, I said I wouldn’t be over to see her on the Wednesday as I was picking her grand-daughter up but I would see her on Saturday when we arrived back in Glenrothes. The day after I got a call from my brother to say mum was dead. I was so pleased my last conversation with her had been so positive since I would have been devastated if we had not had a loving conversation (we did sometimes argue and fall out but never for long) since I would never have been able to take those words back.

I am starting to build a relationship with my dad but it is too little too late. I don’t wish him any harm but I have no love for him at all, this is a shame and I would never tell him about this since he must know all the mistakes he made with me and my brothers over the years.