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Month: June, 2020

No one here gets out alive

I read an interesting artefact the other day, which I was going to expand upon in my last post but decided against it since it really deserves a place of its own. The German government offered BoJo PPE for the NHS, he turned them down and paid a friend of a friend double the amount asked for by Angela Merkel, and then there was delay after delay so that a lot of doctors and nurses caught the virus, because of a lack of PPE, and some of them sadly died.

Now it turns out that Apple, Google AND Angela Merkel offered a track and trace app FREE of CHARGE to BoJo and he refused to accept it (although 52 countries are using this track and trace app successfully) and paid ÂŁ12m for an app created by a friend of Dom’s which isn’t working, so it was money spaffed up the wall (to use a phrase of BoJo and Dom). Why isn’t the Leader of the Opposition (LOTO) pulling him up every day in Westminster about this? Because there is no LOTO at the moment, Starmer is just like BoJo without the blue overcoat, he is a dyed in the wool Red Tory, just like Blair.

If we don’t end the rush back to capitalism once the virus is under control then we will see the planet dying before our very eyes. The thing is those in charge of the biggest economic countries don’t want to see people prosper, unless it is them and their cronies. The reports into Russian interference into the democratic processes from 2016 onwards have never seen the light of day so it’s about time Julian Assange was freed from prison so he can report on this corruption through Wikileaks.

People tend to believe what they read and hear from the MSM anyway so what does BoJo have to fear? Answer: a switch from backing him to backing Starmer by the foreign owners of the bulk of the MSM. After all, they wouldn’t get behind a socialist leader and he had to fight off all the lies spread about him over the 5 years he was leader, and a powerful thorn in the side of the government he was. Now the electorate have a mixed up choice come the next General Election, between Blue Tories and Red Tories.

Strange fascination, fascinating me

There’s nowt as funny as folk, if you have ever sat back and watched as they go past then there are some interesting facets you do become aware of. For example the woman who stops and bends down to give her child back it’s bottle, who immediately pushes it away. Sometimes you see the woman repeatedly try to get the baby to take the bottle for itself, in other cases the woman will remove the bottle and leave the child to scream while pushing the buggy again.

There are strange things happening everywhere, fascinating things, worrying things and people doing things differently. While watching a group of lads I noticed they were staring in the same direction and when I looked over to see what it was, there was a lady walking holding her split skirt closed and they were obviously watching this to see if she lost it and it would blow open. A little while later I saw another woman in another split skirt who was letting it blow in the wind, on looking around I could see I was the only one who appeared to have noticed this.

I was told about a time my ex-sister-in-law went to Barbados and was lying on a beach with her bikini on, all the men were staring at her and so she complained to her husband about them all staring. He told her to remove her top and then they would stop staring. Sure enough once her top was off no one paid her any attention. Seems men will stare at strange things and not look at women who wander without clothes. I’m not suggesting for a minute that all men do that, because, obviously, there are some sick individuals out there.

In my many years of life I have seen so many things which would never have been considered normal when I was a child. Riots in the streets first happened in the 1960’s when students started finding out they could affect change just by raising their voices in unison. Now we have learned that lesson so we practice raising our voices together by starting a petition against injustice, whether in our country or another country. We take to the streets to protest peacefully against our Government but their supporters today will infiltrate the peaceful crowd and start violence against anyone within reach.

This is very reminiscent of what life was like in the Germany between the wars, especially in the late 1920’s and early 1930’s when the Nazi and Communist parties were recruiting criminals straight out of jail for violent crimes so that they could beat up all of their opposition. The biggest proponents of this in the USA are those MAGAt’s supporting tRump, while in the UK it’s the Conservative party and their supporters.

All I wanna do is have some fun

When the pubs (bars) reopen on 4th July (American Independence Day) I just hope that people will remember how terribly Spoons CEO treated the staff and boycott his hundreds of bars. When the airlines reopen we should also boycott Virgin because Branson told his staff they were being laid off without pay until the airline resumed operations.

Of course, we all know what will happen once the pubs are reopened. To begin with people will keep their distance of 6 inches rigorously but as they drink more and get tipsy they will get closer together and before you know where you are we’re back to hundreds of deaths a day from 10’s or teens. Is BoJo trying to outdump the tRumpster for the number of excess deaths? He already has when you take the number of deaths per million people in the country.

Why are people surprised when BoJo fudges an answer to a direct question? The man is a psychological liar (just like tRump) so every time he opens his mouth you should expect either an outright provable lie, or at best a half truth shrouded in ambiguity and lies. He lied to his bosses, he lied to his wife, he lied to his mistresses, he doesn’t know how many children he has fathered, because he pays no maintenance for any of them. Why should he tell the truth to the electorate when he lies to everyone else? Answer, he lies every time he opens his mouth.

Anyhoo, does anyone intend going for a night out once lock down is fully eased? Before the number of deaths starts rising again? Or will you wait until there is a vaccine and everyone has been given it? I’m going for the latter and until then I will continue to stay at home, save lives and protect the NHS. If our NHS is going to be saved then we have to ensure it is pulled back under our control and isn’t subjected to price hikes by the market forces selling services and medications to the NHS.

If you agree with me that the NHS should be fully funded by central Government then please sign the petition at

Or any of the other petitions on I have signed a few of them myself because I think it’s a disgrace that the student nurses were told they would be paid for helping out and are now being sacked because the numbers of people needing ICU beds has dropped dramatically ahead of the second wave (it is coming people just look at China).

Day 500 – lockdown crazy

I know it’s not day 500, yet, it just feels like it. I know a lot of us are trying to remain sane in the madness so I thought I’d help with the crazy. No not to cure it, just to make it worse and try to cheer everyone up. If we don’t see the funny side of life then we’re going to cry.

If you can see the funny in every disaster then you will have nothing to cry about, it’s fun to be humorous in crazy times because that way nothing matters. As someone somewhere once said, if you can keep your head when everyone around you is losing theirs, maybe you don’t have a handle on the situation.

The band played on while the Titanic sank to try and avoid people panicking, maybe it didn’t work but they tried anyway. Because it was supposed to be unsinkable they didn’t have enough life boats for everyone to get off and be saved. More died of hypothermia than drowned, yet very few of them lived to tell the tale.

In the face of disasters there are always those who can find something to poke fun at, as Ricky Gervais said you can always joke about anything, you will upset someone but the trick is not to give a shit. If you worry about offending people you will never do anything, the best thing to do is just to do it and take the flak afterwards. You can please all the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you’ll never please all the people all of the time.

If you live with crazy people then don’t try and lower your standards to become crazy with them. Yes, even with all the evidence of the death toll some people still think the corona virus is a huge hoax, those people won’t be convinced by you or I telling them different, maybe if they catch the virus and then recover they will believe but I wouldn’t bank on it.

Stupid is as stupid does, as my mum always said. Not everyone marches to the same drummer some march to a different one to you, there’s no cure for stupid so try not to catch it, be crazy if you need to be but don’t be hiding your head in the sand. Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.

A Funny Thing happened on my way here today…

I was just thinking about the days I spent watching some really terrific comedians, both on stage at the Comedy Store in Newcastle and on tv as a child. Some of the really great comedians of the day used to appear on tv and I’ve seen some really funny people since returning to the Newcastle area in 1997. The title of this post comes from a show featuring the late great Frankie Howerd, that show was in part based on his Roman sitcom where he played a slave called Lurkio. The show was his stand up A Funny Thing Happened On My Way To The Forum.

Anyway, I’ve seen a few of the greats since then people like Lee Evans, and Sarah Millican who both had me in stitches right through their sets. I also saw Michael MacIntyre and Jason Manford but not the entire sets as I had to leave early, Michael’s show because I had work the next day and Jason’s because my wife had work the next day. I still wouldn’t have missed either show because what I saw was terrific. Unlike some of the greats from my youth whose routines were more sketch based than talk based the modern day comedians can be just as funny.

Not everyone has the same sense of humour so if you are intending to pursue the life of a comedian remember that the ones who appreciate your funny, will in the main, remain silent. Unlike those few who take offence because they will try to silence you by getting on your case. In the immortal words of someone famous (I think it was Groucho Marx but I’m not certain) you can please some of the people all the time, all of the people some of the time but you will never please all of the people all of the time. Stay strong and remain safe out there, and I’ll catch you again when I have something funny to say because the world just now is going to hell in a handbasket.

Seems they expect a lot of traffic since there is a Highway to Hell, with only a Stairway to Heaven.

When the rain comes they run and hide their heads

When I first thought about writing this post I was wondering what I should put in it, funny stories, one liners from t-shirts, news headlines, twitter posts or some heartfelt thoughts on the current crisis. Anyway, I couldn’t decide so let’s just see what comes out onto the page.

If people could just understand what reactions their actions cause maybe they would do things differently, or maybe not. I heard a funny story the other day about the owner of a restaurant (this was obviously before lockdown) who had a visit from 4 women, three in their early twenties/late teens and the other was 25-30. They told him they wanted a table for 4, he asked what name the table was booked in as there was an 18 month waiting list for a table. She said she knew the manager personally and he told her that any time she wanted to she could bring her friends in and he would find her a table.

Since the man she was talking to was the owner and he didn’t employ a manager he wondered whether or not to play along or just tell her to go away and tell her he didn’t employ a manager, or play along and then tell her she didn’t know the manager because the owner, him, didn’t employ one. He decided on the last option, and told her that the restaurant was full to capacity and there were bookings for the remainder of the night and for the next 18 months. She told him that if he didn’t find her a table she would call the manager and get him fired (yep, from his own restaurant, that was never going to happen) so he decided he would open up one of the tables reserved for VIP’s (at a cost of $4,000 per booking) since there weren’t any that evening. He also told her that he would give her and her friends 3 rounds of drinks on the house.

He waited on them personally all evening, the leader of the group gave him her credit card to hold for the evening to ensure the bill was paid at the end of the evening, saying to the other girls that the evening was on her. They continued to party while the first round of drinks was being brought to the table from the bar. He delivered the drinks and a menu (special menu for the table with no prices displayed as everything was for VIP’s who expected the best and were prepared to pay for it). No one said anything about changing the menu for the “ordinary” menu so he let them continue ordering drinks and eating what they wanted from the menu.

At the end of the evening the leader, when he asked if they wanted anything else, was told to bring them the bill. He printed it off, with the first 3 rounds of drinks marked as free, and took it over to the table. She looked at it and almost had apoplexy, she told him that if he didn’t want to lose his job he would cut 50-75% off the bill straight away as it obviously wasn’t right. He took it back from her and agreed he had made a mistake. He took it away and added the coffees they had all had which he had left off the bill deliberately. The original bill was under charged by $125, for 4 coffees, tip, tax and service charge. When she saw the revised bill she lost it completely and told him she would have his job when she told the manager what he had done. Even though he was only on minimum wage it would give her immense pleasure to see him join the ranks of the unemployed.

At this point he told her to call the manager (knowing full well she couldn’t) or pay up and shut up. With that she got up and headed for the restroom, he reminded her that he had still got her credit card and would be happy to charge the full amount to that card if she preferred. She still went to the restroom anyway and was gone for some time so he left the others at the table and saw to his other guests and staff. When she returned to the table he went back over and saw that she had applied fresh makeup and was looking really smug. She told him she had been texting the manager and he said she should be given the entire meal for free, with that he asked to see her phone and she handed it over. The text messages had been sent from a phone which was only flagged as Manager with the restaurant name added.

He went into the details for this phone and then said to her maybe he should just call it since it wasn’t the number he had. To which she replied that he wouldn’t give someone like him every number he used and he’s probably got 3 or 4 phones since he was a very busy man. With that he told her to go ahead and call him and if he confirmed that he had in fact authorised a 50% discount then he would reduce the bill by that. With this Karen’s face went red and she reiterated that he was very busy in one of his other restaurants. At which point the owner turned round and said to her and her friends that she should just pay the bill because he didn’t know her from Eve, he owned the restaurant which had been in his family since the 1970’s when they had emigrated from Greece, if she wanted she was welcome to look at the pictures in his office to prove this fact. He also told her that if she couldn’t pay the bill then he would call the police and have all four of them arrested for eating and refusing to pay the bill. He also told them he could always add on the cost of the table which was an additional $4,000 per sitting, if they were still unhappy. At which point Karen’s face turned green and she asked the other girls if they could chip in something as the total is more than she can afford.

They emptied wallets and gave her around $300 promising her more later on when their loans came through. Once the bill had been paid the credit card returned to its rightful owner the girls left. A few days later the owner received a call from the front of house that he had two visitors. He was busy in the office so told the person on the phone he would be out as quickly as he could since he didn’t have an appointment with anyone at that time. Anyway half an hour later he went out front to find a 50 something along with the older girl from the other night.

He introduced himself to the man and asked how he could help, the man said there had to be a mistake with the bill and he was there to sort it out. The owner said that, if he wanted to come into his office then he would show them the cctv footage from the table that night to clear everything up. The man was beginning to get wound up but agreed to this thinking it would be grainy video at best so he could negotiate a reduction. When they were in the office he told them he had just been reviewing the footage so it was almost ready to go. Just give him a minute to find the beginning and he would run it so they could watch. Because it had been a VIP table the video was shot in UHD and there was also audio. They all watched it in silence before the man turned on the girl and started berating her right there in the office.

The owner didn’t want to get dragged into a domestic dispute so he asked them both to leave. The audio had picked up the way all 4 girls had been berating the owner while he was away getting their drinks or food, or been seeing to other guests, and it was probably this that flipped the older Karen’s dad over the edge.

Breaking NEWS

Common sense is now an endangered species: Stupidity has taken over the world and unfortunately there is no known cure for it.

It’s going to be one of those days today: The voices in my head are fighting. My imaginary friend is running with scissors, and one of my personalities has decided to take the rest of the day off.

I’m not crazy, I’m just special. No wait, maybe I AM crazy… Just one second I have to talk this out with myself I’ll be back soon.

Why worry? You only have two things to worry about, either you are ill or else you are well. If you are well there’s nothing to worry about, if you are ill then you have two things to worry about, either you will get better or you will die. If you get better you have nothing to worry about, if you die you only have two things to worry about, either you will go to Heaven or you will go to Hell. If you go to Heaven then there’s nothing to worry about. If you go to Hell you’ll be far too busy reconnecting with dead friends to remember to worry, so why worry?

When you can’t hear what someone says and they’ve repeated it about 99 times, don’t be surprised if they bite your head off and spit it out.

Don’t ask me for an opinion, I still think it’s okay to punch stupid people in the face.

Trump the Paedophile

As if any further proof of tRump’s depravity was needed… here it is

Midnight Venus đź”±

Anonymous recently uploaded proofs of his dubious acts with Jeffery Epstein

The dickless rapist

He has been labeled as the DicklessRapist. He is not alone in this,his best friend Jeffery did same.

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You say you want a revolution

Well you know, we all wanna change the world. It’s absolutely disgusting that so many charities are expected to declare bankruptcy this year, so more of them are chasing less money and, while I appreciate that there is a shortfall in the economy because of lock down but why can’t Government do more? Because there’s no profit in charity.

The only charity donations made by the disgustingly wealthy is to private schools so there children learn how to be bullies, waste their lives, become total racists and enjoy gay sex. We all know what goes on at places like Eton and Rugby. The only schools where corporal punishment is still practised (not by masters on pupils but by the oldest on the youngest). They still have “fags” those youngsters who are expected to fetch and carry for the most obnoxious in the school, fail and they are caned, succeed and they are buggered. That these educational institutions still carry charity status is a disgrace.

Public school education only turns out leaders because of the way the establishment is rigged. Isn’t it about time things changed for the better? To support the many the few should be forced to pay their fair share of the financial burden. Austerity benefits the few by the sacrifices expected from the many. Too many people have died because of Tory inadequacy yet they keep lying to keep being elected and even boast about it. They snort cocaine in the House of Commons and are really open about it. To the extent that it is making a mockery out of the war on drugs being fought by the police. But then they have always made laws believing they are above the law.

What do we have today in the UK? A choice at the next election between Tory lies and Tory-Lite policies. This Government wants a no deal Brexit because they have gambled millions on the country being bankrupted by it, gambling millions to make billions. Knowing full well that they will have to do a runner once the brown stuff hits the big whirly thing in the corner. They won’t be worried though because they will be welcomed into the USA with open arms. What about the electorate which put them into the position of selling us all out? They are too stupid to care that they will have been told what was going to happen only to watch silently as it happens.

Something’s going on but you don’t know what it is

No this isn’t going to be a political rant about injustice, although there is still a lot of that just now. No it isn’t going to be a post relating to events in the time since my last post, although that is quite scary just now. And no it isn’t featuring the song from the title either, please do not adjust your mentality, there is still a problem with reality but just for fun I thought I would ask some serious questions and hope that, between us, we can come up with an answer that makes sense out of the insanity gripping most of the planet at the moment.

There are a lot of people protesting in the West at the pointless death of an unarmed black man (George Floyd) and using the #BlackLivesMatter with some of them having the countries displayed on them (such as UK, Sweden, Australia) at the end. Yes his death at the hands of the white cop kneeling on his neck for almost 9 minutes was shocking and the protests are understandable since it was looking like the cop was going to get away with his crime. However, the protesters were peaceful until the far-right started to infiltrate the protests and kick off by attacking the police and getting tear gas and rubber bullets fired into the crowd.

My first question is this, why did the far-right Governments allow their followers to infiltrate peaceful protests with violence? Why weren’t the police aware that those causing the violence and attacking them were following the orders of their Government? Finally, on this topic, why have the media made it out that the peaceful protesters are the ones causing damage and attacking the police?

Another set of blindingly obvious signs is available that the Russian Government is behind a lot of the riots and other behaviours going on in the West these days. The Mueller Report into Russian involvement with tRump was only released when it was very heavily redacted. The report carried out in the UK into Russian involvement in British politics since 2016 was hushed up, rush released during the shut down of Parliament for the election in 2019 so that it would never see the light of the day in this century, the trade talks between tRump and BoJo are going to be kept secret for at least 5 years and all of this adds up to a lot of questions.

On this topic what are tRump and BoJo afraid of the public finding out? Did the Russians interfere in the Referendum and the Presidential elections in 2016? Have tRump and BoJo (who until recently held dual citizenship with the USA, until he received a huge tax bill from the IRS for unpaid taxes) got something to hide regarding the NHS that neither side wants to come out until the ink has dried? Final question on this topic is: what has Putin got on tRump and BoJo that has them running scared?

If any of you out there have any ideas at all about any of these questions then please send your answers on an unstamped addressed elephant to the usual suspects as soon as possible, thank you.