barclaydave

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Month: November, 2013

Is it wrong to catch a raindrop?

I’m back in town, only for a little while, I love to watch things on TV. Well, my dear old mother-in-law is holding onto life but it can’t be easy. I know she’s in a lot of pain and I wish I could take it away from her. She knows the end is near, but she wants to die at home in familiar surroundings and who can blame her?

This will probably be my last post until after the end, and this will be short and sweet. I think the world of my mother-in-law and it is debilitating watching her grow weaker and more tired day on day. I won’t be seeing her as much due to the cost involved but I hope the end comes quickly, for her sake, yes it will be hard on the rest of us. But I don’t care about us, before mum would only say she was ok, no matter how much pain she was in, now she says how bad the pain is on a sliding scale of 0-10 but those of us lucky few know that her scale is actually 90-100, yes the pain is that bad. I have no-one to talk to, no shoulder to cry on, but I want to ensure I remain upbeat, strong and positive when I do see her.

More posts will come after I’ve said goodbye for the last time.

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What am I doing here?

My mother in law was rushed into hospital 2 weeks ago, I was still keeping in contact with her even though I’m no longer with her daughter. There have been scares before but she has pulled through, but she is tired of fighting her illnesses, bone cancer, skin cancer and lung cancer on top of pneumonia, bronchitis and asthma. I must say I really admire her refusal to give in before now but the time is right, in my humble opinion, the medical staff are unable to cure her this time and she wants to go home to die. I really don’t want her shuffling off as I enjoy her company, but when her time comes I’ll be glad for her as it will put an end to her suffering and she will, at long last, be able to sleep.

Shorter than normal, my dear reader, I just wanted to let you know why I’ve not been here for so long now. I may or may not wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see, but I really don’t care what others think if I suddenly burst into tears because this time is killing me watching a woman I love waiting for the end. My mum died from a heart attack because I had travelled South to pick my daughter up for the summer holidays and didn’t make it over that Wednesday to see her. My mother in law has been the closest thing I’ve known to a mother these past 13 years and I’ll be sorry to lose her, I just hope I can spend some more time with her before the end.