barclaydave

Just another WordPress.com site

Month: September, 2019

The one I built my dreams upon

Music today is from the one and only Tina Turner, a woman who has been through the mill and remained standing after everything. She is an amazing woman and truly the Queen of Rock ‘n’ Roll. Video is courtesy of YouTube so apologies if it doesn’t play where you are.

I watched Parliament with interest on Wednesday following the Supreme Court Judgement that the Prorogation was illegal and unconstitutional to see how long it would take for Johnson to apologise. I’m still waiting but he did lose again when asking for a recess next week for the Tory Conference. What will he do I wonder? Of course my attention was distracted when he was shouting down the lady MP who asked him to tone down his language in the house as it was being twisted into death threats against her and some of her colleagues. She pointed to the plaque honouring the memory of Jo Cox and Johnson told her it was “humbug” which isn’t a sweet rather a polite form of saying bollocks.

While this exchange was ongoing there was Michael Gove, unable to stand up without help, eyes glazed over and I immediately wondered what he had been smoking or taking to make him that way. One thing I can tell you it was not lack of sleep, he’d either been smoking heroin, snorting cocaine or snorting meth. Any of these will glaze your eyes over and make it almost impossible to walk and you definitely will not be able to stand up without help if you’re not moving.

So we have Johnson sounding every bit as maniacal as tRump, who is currently under the thumbscrews while the House of Representatives decides whether or not to Impeach, Gove who is partaking of what illegal substances and, sitting in the background pulling the strings there is Cummings who tells those MP’s receiving death threats that he will stop them being sent once they get Brexit Done. Since Jo Cox was heavily campaigning for Remain at the time of her death using her name to get a no deal Brexit through is decidedly unfriendly and if we go out without a deal then that will be illegal. Since Johnson, like his good friend across the pond, is no longer pretending he will obey the law I think he will go to jail around the same time as the American tRumpster.

I saw something today which made me smile, cruel I know but hey, it’s her own fault. A white woman was shouting about N*ggers getting killed by her if it was still legal for her to do so. That video went viral, and today someone posted her name and address as well as her company on the video. I feel it will only be a matter of time before she is out of a job and hounded out of her home. The thing with all these White Supremacists is that they are not just in the US, Australia and the UK have their share too. Someone was interviewed about a no deal Brexit in Bolton, Lancashire. They said they voted leave because they are fed up with all the Muslim immigrants coming from Africa and Asia over here. He doesn’t care about Europeans coming over here and working but he does object to Africans and Asians! That’s why Leave won, because of the red necks who didn’t know what the hell they were voting for.

If people were given a choice today, knowing what the total cost will be, in shortages, loss of jobs and increased immigration from countries in order to get a trade deal, would there still be a victory for leave? Since Farage is so eager to get over to the US I vote we have a whip round and pay his single fare (economy) to the US for tomorrow, how does everyone else feel about this?

I am trying to remain calm while writing this but it is not easy, because some people will probably accuse me of having my wires crossed, but it is difficult to understand why people get up in arms so much when I criticise Israel for the shocking way they treat Palestinians. If they didn’t bomb civilian targets (schools and hospitals are the biggest hit targets by Israeli bombs in Palestine) then would anyone object to their treatment and attempt to annex the West Bank.

I think that some people are so uptight that they will not criticise anyone (unless they are white) of doing anything against another person or group of people. In the last few days, there has been an upsurge in death threats to MP’s, members of the public and others openly criticising Brexit. The only person who is openly seeking to end the division in the country, seek to get the best deal possible before Brexit, and will then put this deal to the people, with Remain as an option on the referendum, is the Labour Party. Jeremy Corbyn has refused to enter into an argument with Johnson or anyone else over anything. He is the one being vilified by the Main Stream Media and is not fighting back, quietly getting on with the job he is being paid to do.

We should really be lucky to have Jeremy Corbyn for a Prime Minister following the next General Election once the date of Brexit has been put back to January 31st 2020. Johnson and his puppet master don’t want to delay because the new tax laws come into force throughout Europe on 1st January 2020, meaning that they will all have to declare any funds they have in offshore bank accounts as well as shares held in these banks. That will mean they will all be taxed on their total income (at home and offshore) which will more than double their tax bills. Under a Labour Government they will have to pay their fair share of tax on all earnings as well so that is the real reason Johnson will not be asking for any extension to the Brexit date.

Small businesses who are taking advantage of the ads on British television telling them to get ready for the 31 October to call and ask for advice seem to be getting told move or go under. I know someone with a small business he has operated for several years and he employs 3 others, has been told that his best option is to move to France or else he will have to close the business down. When he asked if he could claim benefits for being out of work he was told that, since he is effectively self employed then he is not entitled to anything at all. This is a disgrace where the Government is recklessly threatening the livelihoods of small business owners and is refusing to compensate them for closing down.

Advertisements

Mishearing as a creative act — Austin Kleon

“I like turning on two radios at the same time and listening to them. I like hearing things incorrectly. I think that’s how I get a lot of ideas is by mishearing something.” —Tom Waits For years I have held the strong belief that you should never look up the lyrics to your favorite songs…

Mishearing as a creative act — Austin Kleon

I love this idea, mishearing something and then acting on it to create something new and distinctive for yourself or others. Please enjoy the post and leave comments with the original and not just on hear.

Pardon me for laughing but the media in this country is a joke

I live in the United Kingdom (at least for now) and as black as things were we had a good laugh at BoJo’s expense (again). As the Prime Minister he has had a second to none go so far, he is 0 for 7 in Parliament (the first PM to have such a terrible record). Then in the Scottish courts he was deemed to have lied to Queen Elizabeth II and he appealed to the Supreme Court where the case against his Prorogation of Parliament was also being looked into. Both cases were heard together and the Supreme Court decided that since Parliament had not been allowed to discuss the merits of Prorogation it was illegal, this upheld the Scottish Courts decision from a few weeks ago.

Today the press have spun things around and instead of asking for BoJo’s head on the block they are wanting Jeremy Corbyn to resign as Leader of the Opposition (I know he didn’t ask for Parliament to be prorogued as does everyone else apart from, so it seems, the mass media who are still coming in on the side of the 1%.) In other news, the Labour Party conference came to an end with everyone firmly behind Jeremy, his speeches hinted at how far he was prepared to go to counter the austerity brought in by the Tories against the 99% while giving tax concessions to the 1% for the last decade. He has told everyone that he will redress the balance by removing the charitable status of every Public School in the country. This will force them to pay tax on their fees and the 1% will no longer be able to claim their children’s schools fees as charitable donations with tax relief being given to them and the school.

Of course the 1% don’t like this because it means they will have to pay more tax in the future on their earnings and interest they receive from their overflowing offshore accounts. If they hadn’t been so greedy then the banks wouldn’t have needed bailing out in 2008 leading to the credit crunch and recession, of course BoJo is firmly on the side of the 1% and he will try and block a Corbyn led Government since they will negotiate a deal with the EU and then put this to the country for a final decision with Remain on the ballot as well as no deal or acceptance of the deal. BoJo hates this because he will not get Brexit done ahead of January when the new tax laws come in forcing him and his backers to declare every penny they have in offshore accounts and pay tax on them.

Brexit is no longer about the will of the people to get Brexit done and out of the way, it’s all about racing to get it done before the offshore accounts have to be declared for tax. The idiotic Brexiteers seem to be getting wise to this fact since there don’t seem to be as many tweets telling us to accept the result of the referendum and step aside. Although there are still some pressing for a no deal Brexit to get it done as soon as possible the bulk have asked BoJo to follow through on his promises from the referendum campaign where he said there would be a fantastic deal offered to us before we left. The country now knows that it will not be easy to get a deal from the EU, they will not accept a no deal Brexit either so it will be interesting to see what happens in the next referendum should Labour win the General Election with a majority in the Commons.

Of course it is much harder to predict a winner when you have more than 2 parties in Westminster, however, the Lib Dems may have shot themselves in the foot by offering to stand down in Marginal Seats in favour of Conservative opponents (who are now standing on a No Deal Brexit platform), the Lib Dems have been saying that if they get a majority (no chance of that happening) they would repeal Article 50 and get on with austerity since there is no magic money tree and the Deficit will have to be brought back under control! The only credible option for the United Kingdom seems to be a Corbyn led Labour Government which has the 1% running for the hatchets and shouting for his blood.

Following a No Deal Brexit, the major economists are predicting that there will be major disruptions at the ports, a hard border to separate Northern Ireland from the Republic and it will take decades to build the country up again from this disaster. Of course the other thing it will do is to split the United Kingdom back into the four individual countries which comprise it. Scotland and Northern Ireland voted overwhelmingly to Remain in 2016 so there will be no doubt they will opt for independence and asking to rejoin the EU, in the case of Northern Ireland they will presumably join with the Republic and get in that way. Scotland’s First Minister has been canvassing hard throughout Europe and seems to feel confident that Scotland will be welcomed back. Wales have also given an indication that they will seek to have an independence referendum which will leave England alone and isolated with the other 3 countries all being back in the fold of Europe laughing all the way to the bank.

BoJo has gone on record to say he is funding the NHS more than any of his predecessors but hasn’t said that this money has come from the savage cuts over the last decade. He will sell off what is left of the NHS in order to do a trade deal with tRump before he is Impeached and imprisoned for treason against the American People.

Mother should I run for president

Today’s post, in part inspired by the unlawful and criminal leaders of the Western World at the moment is also dedicated to my mother. She was born in either 1927 or 1928 and died in 1985. Everyday that goes by I think of the good times we had together, talking or walking, or even just sitting in silence watching the gogglebox. Music is from Pink Floyd’s double album The Wall and apologies if it doesn’t play where you are but the album is universally available.

The American President and the Prime Ministers of Britain and Australia do not have the backing of everyone living within their boundaries. But their tales of wrong doing and criminality are known to the entire planet. I think it’s about time for people to remember and reconnect with their humanity and turf these criminal elements out to face prosecution and jail time for all their many crimes.

‘Nuff said! (In the immortal words of Mr Stan Lee). It’s times like these when there is adversity, division and hatred everywhere that mud slinging cheap shot narrow minded hypocrites are upstaged by humanitarians at every turn. John Lennon and George Harrison were the two biggest humanitarians on the planet during their lifetimes, they were also half of the biggest quartet ever to make music on this small insignificant planet in a corner of the galaxy called the Milky Way.

My mother (or mam as we kids called her) was a wise woman who knew that everyone of us is the same under the skin. When you cut any one of us our blood is red, in one shade or another (depending on whether we bleed out of an artery or a vein). Mam taught me to think, the Beatles taught me to think for myself and my mam encouraged this. When John Lennon said the Beatles were bigger than Christ, I got it. I knew what he was saying in his own inimitable way was that music concerts, Rock music in particular, attracted bigger crowds than any church at the time. In fact that is still true today, music concerts consistently draw bigger audiences than churches.

He was a feminist, an agitator, a protagonist and a pacifist who could fight when he had to (sometimes even when he didn’t have to). He was the man who split the Beatles up, he didn’t want the group to be managed by Lee Eastman (he admitted later that Allen Klein was a costly mistake) because of his relationship with Paul (John may have felt threatened). The thing is the group’s legacy is still ongoing to this day and without the input from all four of them they might well have fallen by the wayside. I don’t have to go into the ins and outs of the Beatles because their story is one that we all know, even those who weren’t around in the 1960’s.

My mam didn’t have a lot of education at school, at the time she grew up there was a war on and she was glad to do her bit to help out with the war effort (seeing as to how she would have been 11 or 12 when war broke out she would have almost certainly have finished school in another 2 or 3 years anyway). She never spoke much of her life during war time, neither did my dad but that’s a different story. Mam was always the one I went to when anything annoyed me, she would listen and offer advice, encouragement or say nothing but always did the right thing. When she was alive I used to ring her regularly, when I was living in London and Basingstoke, or go round to visit at least once a week.

None of this mattered as she died on a Wednesday afternoon from a heart attack when I was down in Basingstoke to pick my daughter up to spend her summer holidays with me in Scotland. My dad blamed me because I had told my mam that I was going to pick Sara up and wouldn’t be round to see her on that Wednesday, she was found slumped over her chair in the living room with the fire plug in her hand and the hoover upstairs where she had taken it before taking a turn for the worse. The hoover was at the top of the stairs and hadn’t been plugged in so obviously mam had taken it up but had not used it.

I know my dad needed someone to blame since he had been at work at the time and I had finished college a few weeks before. Being the eldest I was used to bearing the brunt of dad’s temper and feeling his wrath burning into my skin when he would take his belt to me (buckle end). He never seemed to have any issue with either of my brothers so I can only assume that it was down to me being the eldest. This time, however, when I rang from Basingstoke I spoke to Graham and he told me that dad was being interviewed by the Police as he had moved mam’s body when he found her. Before he had called the GP, I presume this was because he didn’t believe she was dead and wanted to make her comfortable. Only he knew what he was thinking and he has never said anything to anyone and now, with his dementia, I doubt he ever will.

Scent of magnolias sweet and fresh

Today’s post is coming to you courtesy of BoJo and crew for giving us a strange few days after it was deemed that the Prorogation of Parliament in Westminster was against the law because he misrepresented the state of the UK to the Queen. Music is provided from that woman of substance Lady Day, with a damning indictment of life in the Southern USA after the Civil War.

From the introduction you could be forgiven for thinking that this is going to be all about Brexit and how they lied and cheated the British Public to give the rich victory. The truth is that, I may mention this in passing but it will not make up the bulk of this post today.

If you can help someone who is in pain (mental pain not the physical pain which people can see) would you? I noticed that there are an awful lot of ads these days (at least in the UK) of children suffering illness and disease causing a lot of health issues which have been eradicated here in the (supposedly) affluent West. At home, however, we have a lot of people who have mental illnesses therefore they look as though they are fit and healthy from the outside. Mental illness is much more dangerous than the Governments since 1979 would have you believe.

If someone with a broken leg is not given treatment their leg will still heal, however, someone with a mental illness won’t heal if they aren’t given help, their illness will grind them down day by day until they finally can only see one way out. That usually means they will take their own life eventually. Without easy access to a gun they will kill themselves, however, in the USA where almost anyone can get a gun, either legally by passing the vetting or illegally by borrowing it from a friend or buying it at a swap meet. This means that someone who feels cheated and suicidal in the USA can take their gun and go on a killing spree before either taking their own life or by committing suicide by cop.

This should be alarming those responsible for making the laws and getting them passed. However, in the USA there has been legislation waiting at the Senate door to be signed off by Moscow Mitch McConnell. He is sitting on this to force it to be time constrained so that the legislature doesn’t have to lose their right to buy and carry weapons of mass killing. With increased magazines allowing them to kill hundreds at a time. In the UK we used to have hospitals dealing with the mentally ill, however, rather than making them fit for purpose the Tory Government of the day closed them down and put all the mentally ill back on the streets to be cared for by their community. No training, no skills, no back up.

Which is the worst and most dangerous option? Selling or giving automatic weapons to mentally ill people just because they can act sane in the time it takes to hand their forms in? Or putting the criminally insane back into neighbourhoods and telling that community that they are responsible for looking after them. The Labour Government has funded help for the mentally ill and criminally insane, which has been eroded since 2010 to the state of affairs we are at today. If you do not have any physical symptoms then you are treated as fraudulently claiming benefits.

Of course, with austerity and it’s ongoing restrictions on state spending the poorest in our society have been shunned and vilified by the Government. However, those responsible for the mess (the wealthy bankers and hedge fund operators) escaped scott free. Since 2010 the wealthy have not been subjected to the same austerity measures as everyone else since they have been amassing ever greater wealth by gambling on the stock exchange and have now gambled billions on a no deal Brexit because they know BoJo has not spoken to the EU about changing the deal given to his predecessor. He repeats as often as he can get his face on tv that negotiations are ongoing, we all know this is a lie. He is not interested in obtaining a deal because that would mean the changes to tax laws would become law in the UK on 1st January 2020. His backers, those pulling the strings of his Premiership, including Dominic Cummings; don’t want a deal they are furious that there is a chance that no deal will be removed from the table with forcing it through seen as treasonous and against the law.

This is the real reason Parliament has been Prorogued now so that time will run out before 31st October 2019. Anyway, that is our issue for living in England since Scotland voted overwhelmingly to Remain within the EU and will leave the United Kingdom as soon as they can following this disastrous No Deal which the Prime Minister is so willingly pushing down our throats.

If people of colour cannot get justice because it is racist, what chance does anyone wanting to make a better life for their children have in the USA? Do we really have a fairer Justice system here in the UK when those in power can break the law openly and get away with it? Justice is now being sold to the highest bidder and tRump has his sights set on Scotland which (it appears to those reading the signs) is now on the table following the riots from a disastrous no deal exit from Europe.

It’s about time to wake up, people, if we unite and stand together we can change politics for the better. We can make a difference if we are all united. Divided we will fall, which is why those in power want to find scapegoats to blame for THEIR failings. Divide and conquer is the current situation, however, once they have removed all those who are the subjects of such hatred what then? They will come for others, all it takes for evil to flourish and thrive is for good men to do nothing. It is time now to make a stand and deliver the wealthy to face the music they are so desperately trying to avoid. Time and together we can do it, we can force them to pay their fair share of taxation so that the remainder can afford to collect their justice from this one small step.

On this day… 18 years ago a cataclysmic shift happened in America

No music again since this post is about the tragic events which occurred today (at 9a.m. EST in the USA, 2p.m. in the UK) 18 years ago. Let’s never forget that this was an act of terrorism which left us all reeling but didn’t achieve what it set out to: bring down the economies of the West.

I wonder what would have happened to the planet if those atrocities of 18 years ago had never happened. Would we have had the recession of 2008 (now known as the Credit Crunch)? Would elections have been hijacked by hackers targeting (illegally) data giving tRump victory and Brexit a green light in 2016? Or would we have been targetted without realising what was happening and therefore tRump and Brexit going ahead without anyone telling us that they were hacked by Russian money?

Make no mistake, things happen with consequences. A butterfly flaps its wings in a forest in Malaysia and a tree falls in Hungary. Okay maybe they are not connected as in one follows directly from the other but they don’t happen together. There is still a lot we don’t understand in the natural world around us but don’t we owe it to life on this planet to find out what effects our actions will have?

I think it’s a travesty that our Prime Minister and the American President will uphold laws, as long as they don’t affect them and the other wealthy people in their respective countries, however, when it suits them they will both break the law to get what they want? They both behave like spoilt children when they don’t get their own way, tRump closed down Government for weeks (the longest in living memory) and BoJo closes down Parliament because he doesn’t agree with the law requiring him to go to Brussels and beg for an extension to Brexit so he can have a General Election.

Do this people not realise how little respect they, either of them, have left in their respective countries? Britain is ready for a change, America is heading back to the polls next year and tRump has already been told that in at least one State (CA) he cannot stand for election unless he releases his tax returns for the last 10 years (if that time frame isn’t right it should be). BoJo meanwhile is refusing to do what the law requires him to do, he has lost his first 7 votes in Parliament and the courts and could be facing jail time all the while doing exactly as Dominic Cummings has ordered him to do. Will Cummings face jail time? No, because he has not broken the law since the Prime Minister is the one who has been tasked with asking for an extension for Brexit.

All this to protect the status quo and keep the 1%’ers happy by killing off the poor. As long as they don’t have to declare any offshore money they have (the law is changing in January 2020 so they want to leave the EU before then without any deal so they avoid having to comply). Let’s not kid ourselves that this is the will of the people: It isn’t, it’s the will of the 1%. A Scottish court set out the reasons why the Prorogation of Parliament this week was a crime, BoJo has stated he will not reopen Parliament since the High Court in London ruled in favour of Prorogation (it didn’t). The High Court passed the decision over to the Supreme Court for a decision which is expected soon and is likely to agree with the Scottish court that BoJo lied to HM the Queen just to get his prorogation passed.

If our leaders have a blatant disregard for the rule of law why don’t we just do away with all our laws and have complete anarchy both here in the UK and in America?

And now for something different… It’s Monty Python’s Flying Circus

No music to accompany this post, but that’s because I decided to get back in the saddle and since there was no music with my last post I have decided not to put one here so the words can stand or fall on this own.

My good friend died on August 31, at lunch time. It hit me hard even though it was expected (not the date and time but the death) anyway, I came back on here yesterday to find so many messages of support when I was finally coming to terms with no funeral and beginning to remember the good times Lyn and I had spent in each others company. We used to spend hours talking at work (she worked in the typing pool (if you can remember what they were) and my boss would ask me to take some documents down to be typed up and we would talk while she was typing).

We spent almost every dinner time together in Edinburgh, going through the market stalls near Waverly Station or walking down the Royal Mile towards the Castle. On a few occasions (when I bought a new album) she would come round to mine, we would listen to the music and then go and grab a bite to eat at one of the pubs or cafes near me in Dean Village. She would often stay the night after wards but always slept alone in the bed as I would curl up on the floor. I never wanted to sleep with her as I didn’t want to spoil our friendship. I knew with someone like Lyn I didn’t have to play games and that if I asked her to she would have jumped into bed with me but that was never my intention with her as she was becoming a good friend who was going to be leaving for the bright lights of the big city within a few months of us starting to do things together so I thought if we kept in touch then it might happen when she returned to Scotland.

Unfortunately, I got a girl pregnant a few months after she moved down to London and ended up getting married so I stopped writing to her. In 2000 I found her again through Friends Reunited (remember that site?) and we started catching up again. I was always very happy to hear from her and when she lost her tongue to cancer I wondered how we would communicate other than by email or text, she found an app to allow her to type words and then these would be read by the app and relayed to the other person she was talking to. If we could continue catching up after all that then maybe we should meet up sometime.

This year, for the first time since 1973 I called in to see her at home while on my way through to visit family 9 miles away from her. She remembered me and I her and it was as if the intervening years hadn’t happened. She was drugged up to the eyeballs because her pain was so bad but we still had an enjoyable few hours in each others company, I introduced her to my wife (she was kindly taking me up to Scotland) and met her sister Rita and partner Jay that day. Jay was weird, partially sighted so everything had to be up close and personal with him or he missed it.

The next time we went to visit her she wasn’t quite as drugged up as it was a better day for her and she hadn’t had so many pain killers. We stayed there longer the second time and left when we could check into the hotel just ahead of Jay getting there, he was running late that day. Lyn was much more talkative and we had connected back as if we were in our teens again which was amazing. The passage of time had never stopped us from being friends and I’m so sad that I will never get to meet up with her again (I believe that when we die we are either reborn to correct mistakes we have made or else move onto the spiritual plane if we have learned all our lessons and made no mistakes).

Anyway, I just wanted to say a huge and hearfelt thank you to everyone on here who has been supportive of me and gave me hope for the future. Also to everyone who didn’t have anything nice to say to me so they said nothing at all.

I couldn’t leave without posting on here that BoJo the clown can’t even keep his cabinet together since Amber Rudd has announce she is leaving the Tory Party because of his lies and double dealing. That means he now has an even further reduced minority Government and he is still adamant he will break the law and force us out without a deal because that is what his puppet masters want him to do.

Another one down, another one bites the dust

No music to accompany this post since it won’t take me long to say what I want to say. This afternoon (actually yesterday afternoon since it’s now the 1st of September 2019), a really good friend of mine died of cancer. She was diagnosed about 20 years ago and went into remission for almost a decade before it came back last year. She was given 3-6 months by her doctor in September 2020 and held on until 31 August 2019.

I had known her since 1973 when we met in Edinburgh, both of us were civil servants working in the Scottish Economic And Planning Department. She was a typist in the typing pool, I was a clerical assistant to the head of the Rural Planning Department. I started spending more and more time with her since she was about my age (I never asked how old she was but I was 19). She had applied for a job in London and was accepted before we started spending every waking minute together.

I didn’t ask her to turn down the opportunity to go to London for 2 reasons, both seem silly now with us having renewed our friendship in the last 20 years (just before her initial diagnosis). Those reasons were borne out of self doubt (mine) and my track record to that point (I had never had a serious relationship). When we renewed our friendship it was almost as though we had done everything the same (almost anyway). She moved to London still working for the civil service, I followed her down there the following year. I got married, in 1973, and my daughter was born in London in 1974. Lyn was in a relationship with someone in London who treated her like shit and was desperately trying to get out of it.

I was divorced for the first time in 1977, she left her abusive boyfriend the same year and travelled back to Dunfermline, I travelled to Glenrothes the same year. She married in 1980 for the first time and I was living with the woman who became my second wife in that year. Anyway, this is not what I wanted to do today, I was not wanting to write an obituary or get things off my chest I just wanted to let you know that I may disappear for a while until I get over this latest death of a woman who was very important to me and I am very grateful to her for allowing me to visit her twice this year and see her again before the end.

I have not heard anything about the funeral, if there will be a funeral, but would like to attend if there is one. I think that will help me to grieve for her (it helped to attend my mum’s funeral in 1985 but I still miss her every single day). Anyway, this isn’t goodbye because I will be back in the future I am just taking a sabbatical to get my grief into the open and help myself heal. I will miss her terribly and I can’t say how long the grief process will take since it has hit me harder than I thought it would since I had been prepared for it.