Another one down, another one bites the dust

by davebarclay1954

No music to accompany this post since it won’t take me long to say what I want to say. This afternoon (actually yesterday afternoon since it’s now the 1st of September 2019), a really good friend of mine died of cancer. She was diagnosed about 20 years ago and went into remission for almost a decade before it came back last year. She was given 3-6 months by her doctor in September 2020 and held on until 31 August 2019.

I had known her since 1973 when we met in Edinburgh, both of us were civil servants working in the Scottish Economic And Planning Department. She was a typist in the typing pool, I was a clerical assistant to the head of the Rural Planning Department. I started spending more and more time with her since she was about my age (I never asked how old she was but I was 19). She had applied for a job in London and was accepted before we started spending every waking minute together.

I didn’t ask her to turn down the opportunity to go to London for 2 reasons, both seem silly now with us having renewed our friendship in the last 20 years (just before her initial diagnosis). Those reasons were borne out of self doubt (mine) and my track record to that point (I had never had a serious relationship). When we renewed our friendship it was almost as though we had done everything the same (almost anyway). She moved to London still working for the civil service, I followed her down there the following year. I got married, in 1973, and my daughter was born in London in 1974. Lyn was in a relationship with someone in London who treated her like shit and was desperately trying to get out of it.

I was divorced for the first time in 1977, she left her abusive boyfriend the same year and travelled back to Dunfermline, I travelled to Glenrothes the same year. She married in 1980 for the first time and I was living with the woman who became my second wife in that year. Anyway, this is not what I wanted to do today, I was not wanting to write an obituary or get things off my chest I just wanted to let you know that I may disappear for a while until I get over this latest death of a woman who was very important to me and I am very grateful to her for allowing me to visit her twice this year and see her again before the end.

I have not heard anything about the funeral, if there will be a funeral, but would like to attend if there is one. I think that will help me to grieve for her (it helped to attend my mum’s funeral in 1985 but I still miss her every single day). Anyway, this isn’t goodbye because I will be back in the future I am just taking a sabbatical to get my grief into the open and help myself heal. I will miss her terribly and I can’t say how long the grief process will take since it has hit me harder than I thought it would since I had been prepared for it.