It feels like years since it’s been here

by davebarclay1954

Music today to accompany this post about the ramblings from my head today is from the pen and guitar of George Harrison as covered by Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel. Copyright is not owned by me and the video is courtesy of YouTube so apologies if it doesn’t play where you are reading this.

I have heard that Freddie Starr is dead but can’t find any corroboration for this story. This post isn’t about him anyway, it’s about fathers and sons. Some fathers have brilliant relationships with their sons (both my brothers and my dad spring to mind here), me, not so much in the past when I needed him but we are beginning to build bridges now, I can’t help wonder though if it is too little too late since I don’t think I’m going to be around much longer, he will probably outlive all 3 of us just to get his own way.

I had been building a strong relationship with my son until his mother ruined that to prove a point, had him taken into care and I was allowed unsupervised visits every week as often as we wanted but since he turned 18 I haven’t seen him at all. I did tell him not to feel any obligation to come and see me but I thought he would have kept in touch by email or text if not phone calls but if I don’t text him 4 times he doesn’t bother getting in touch with me.

Going back to my own children, I think I must have been a terrible father since my daughter has wanted nothing to do with me since 1997, my son since 2017 and I have 2 grandsons that I never get pictures of, stories about or even hear from them. The eldest of them is now coming up for 20, the younger one will be 17 and I never hear from their mother so don’t expect to ever meet them. As I said that leaves me wondering what I must have done in a previous life to deserve my children turning their backs on me.

Don’t worry, I don’t think anyone reading this has the answer and that doesn’t matter because I have been wallowing in self-pity all day today. I said I was busy when asked to go out but not busy in your sense of the word.

I was busy breathing, getting it under control and stopping my mind from wandering off to the deep dark recesses I used to occupy for weeks and months at a time. I was busy but you might not think that justifies being busy, trust me it is when I start to sink down into the deep blackness that is inside my head. If you knew what lay below the surface then you would run screaming away from me. I’m the type of person who hears gun shots and runs towards them, putting myself in the line of fire to try and save others so that they have time to escape the madness.

Does that make me a hero? No it doesn’t, I’m just wired to help out anyone worse off than me whenever I can. I am no hero I just feel that if I can do something to ease someone else’s pain then it is my duty as a human being to do so. I would die for others although would try to disarm anyone threatening others because I believe life is precious. I don’t see things in colour when I look around at the people around me I see men, women, boys and girls who are all on this trip around the sun we all share. I don’t see the colour of their skin because it doesn’t make any difference to me, but I do see injustice and will always try to stop that.

If we could all treat everyone with respect, kindness and compassion then the journey around the sun will be a lot better for everyone. I don’t see religion as a barrier to getting to know my fellow traveller. I don’t care if you are a Jew, Muslim, Catholic, Protestant, Jain or follower of witchcraft, wiccan or paganism. I won’t force my religion down your throat and I ask the same of you to not force yours down mine. We all have the right to live our lives as we see fit, to love who we love without prejudice or hatred. Look around and you will see others don’t share this belief, they think it has to be their way or you don’t deserve the right to the freedoms they take for granted. I say we all deserve the same freedoms whether or not we agree is down to the individual.

So what if you love a man, a woman or non-binary, don’t you have the right to live your life your way and find happiness where you can? Yes of course you do, families come in all shapes and sizes and the only thing I would ask of you is to respect my right to live my life as I see fit. I will support your right to live your life as you see fit, as long as no one else gets hurt while you are doing that. I think there are several people around today who were born in the wrong body, that doesn’t make them any less human than you or I. A trans woman is still female as far as I am concerned, a trans male is still a man. If we were all the same and liked the same things life would be so boring, it’s our differences that keep us unique and that makes life interesting. Do you want to live in a world where only white males are allowed to speak? Where anyone of colour and women are second and third class citizens? Of course we don’t, because there would be suppression and victimisation of anyone who happened to not be white male.

Diversion and inclusion is the only way we can survive as a species but only if we work really hard to turn back the destruction we have caused to this planet before it is too late. We have the ability to work together to end the climate emergency facing the planet today and prevent our extinction. The planet has destroyed life before in order to rebuild and survive so don’t think it won’t happen again because if we stand around doing nothing it will happen again and next time it will be humankind which becomes extinct.

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