I didn’t want to hear it then
by davebarclay1954
Music for this blog (which should have been the one from yesterday (I hope) before I got sidetracked with the USA). Copyright is owned by Spice Girls/EMI and video is courtesy of YouTube, apologies if it doesn’t play where you are.
Everyone of us believes that our mum is the greatest mum in the world, even though we get told off (often) scolded (again often) worry her (an awful lot) and consider her the greatest woman we will ever meet. I know in my life I have loved my mum, hated her for her irritation with me but always known that she loved me in return.
How many children think their mum knows best what is right for them? Probably no-one under the age of 30 believes that all the time, I know I didn’t. I now know that when she told me not to do something it was for one or more of 3 reasons, it was dangerous, it was illegal or it would cause me harm. At the time, at least when I was younger, I resented not being allowed to do things which would change my perspective. Hanging out of the bedroom window to look at the sky rather than lying on the grass made the sky look brighter. Looking at the grass from the same position made it look greener and browner at the same time (where it had thinned out).
Mum’s have the best job, they get to spend time with their children and form their ideas regarding right and wrong. Dad’s work and, therefore, spend less time with their children during the formative period (birth to 5 years old). However, father’s do enforce the child’s belief in themselves if they will encourage different viewpoints. I learned at an early age that friends are those who live near you, they will change as you move around and I have always tried to go with quality rather than quantity in my friends.
I counted my mum as a friend from the age of 19 when I got married the first time, she was the one who had my back when things started going wrong and she helped me out when I had nowhere to stay. Even though it got her into a lot of trouble with my dad she did take all the hate he threw my way without revealing what she was going through until much later. I was hurt when she died on a Wednesday since that was my day to call over and see her, the day she died I was down in Basingstoke to pick up my daughter and step-sons so hadn’t been over to see her that day.
Needless to say, my dad blamed me for her death for several years (1985-2008) because I hadn’t called over to see her! I cried every day from the time I found out she had died until the day of her funeral. As the eldest son I felt it was my duty to stay strong and hold things together that day to say goodbye to her. I got married for the second time a year later in 1986. My dad did succeed in pushing me away a few months later when I moved down to Basingstoke for the second time to take up a job at AA Insurance Services.
For those who still have their mum’s with them I would urge them to treat them with kindness every day of the year, on Mother’s Day, whenever possible, give them a day off. Treat them to breakfast, wash up for them and get dad to help you prepare every meal that day. Buy flowers often for your mum because you never know when she will be taken away from you. If you don’t treat her with respect today you may not get a chance to make up for it tomorrow. I guess what I am saying is love your mum and make sure she knows it always because it is often too late to make amends if you tell her you hate her the last time you see her alive.
I have been quite lucky in having a mum I could sit with and talk to, explain why I didn’t do things right all the time. Talk through any problems I had and get advice from her about how best to work through my issues so that they would work out for the best after all. The last thing I said to my mum was over the phone the day before she died, I said I wouldn’t be over to see her on the Wednesday as I was picking her grand-daughter up but I would see her on Saturday when we arrived back in Glenrothes. The day after I got a call from my brother to say mum was dead. I was so pleased my last conversation with her had been so positive since I would have been devastated if we had not had a loving conversation (we did sometimes argue and fall out but never for long) since I would never have been able to take those words back.
I am starting to build a relationship with my dad but it is too little too late. I don’t wish him any harm but I have no love for him at all, this is a shame and I would never tell him about this since he must know all the mistakes he made with me and my brothers over the years.
barclaydave 
I wish I felt that way about my mama. She was a good mama to my siblings. I guess I miss knowing that mama. 😔
Laurel, I’m so sorry that you never knew a mama like mine. Yours must have been crazy not to take the time to get to know you because you are a terrific person and have such a strong sense of right and wrong. If you need anything I’m always here for you so please reach out if you need me.
Thank you so much. As I said, she was a wonderful mama to my siblings, and in her defense, I now understand her feelings toward me. I caused the death of her precious son. 😔
I still don’t fully understand why my dad hated me so much, I’m just thankful my mum was there to put me together when he kept smashing me apart. Take care Laurel and if you weren’t born when your twin died it’s not your fault.
He wasn’t my twin. He was 2 1/2 and I was 3 1/2. My mama gave him a bottle of aspirin to play with because it made a rattling sound. I was “smart” enough to figure out how to get it open. He ate the aspirin and it killed him.
That couldn’t have been easy to come to terms with at such a young age too. So sorry Laurel, I didn’t realise you had spent time with him. However, it was an accident since I’m sure you wouldn’t have wanted to kill him. I really don’t know what else to say except that you weren’t to blame for that, it was your mama gave him the bottle and you only opened it, too young to realise it would kill him if he ate the contents.
She hated me and used to hit me and say “you’re so smart!” I never knew why she hated me until she died. One of my kinfolk told me why and after finding out, it somehow released me. I knew that I was a good child, a good child and a good woman, so I couldn’t understand why she hated me so much. As a mother, I understand that she had to have been half out of her mind with grief. Still, I would have liked to have known her.
It’s a shame your mama could never sit down with you and explain her feelings to you. That would have helped her to realise it was just a stupid accident and also given you insight into your mum’s behaviour towards you. So sorry you never got the chance to make up with her like I’m starting to do with my dad, if he has long enough we may get there but I’m not building my hopes up.
She had other children. My daddy worked all the time and there was no money for counseling and she didn’t even have a car. As far as I know, she didn’t even have any friends to talk to.
I wouldn’t say we made friends, but I moved back to my hometown for a few years and mama was always more than willing for me to take her grocery shopping or somewhere. Still, after all those years, she never called me, never sent me a birthday card or anything. When I left my ex, after everything he had done to me, all she said was “Poor ****.” She never expressed any concern for me. Sigh.
That’s never easy to handle, especially after her death. I do know how you feel since I felt the same about my dad until recently, but I’ve still not fully forgiven him and he never had an excuse that I know of.