You were the one they backed up to the wall

by davebarclay1954

Hello again dear reader, before I begin I want to introduce the music video to accompany this post and it is from Georgie Wonderwall in 1981, months after the death of his friend and band mate from the late 1950’s right through to 1970. Video is courtesy of YouTube and the copyright is owned by Warner Brothers Music and Dark Horse Records. I hope you like this one and it’s significance will become clear soon, I promise.

Those of you who have been following my posts for a while now will know that I use song lyrics for my regular posts and in between times I write posts about my life to date and I have posted up to 1968. 1969 was quite a tumultuous year for me and the post is refusing my efforts to condense it down so when it does come on here it will be quite long, apologies for that. The thing is, I had a major breakdown in 1969 and fought with my best friend and band mate (hence the use of All Those Years Ago here). The end result was I left home for several weeks in an attempt to “sort my head out” although that wasn’t the phrase I used. Anyway, I will finish the year off and post it in one huge post as soon as I get it finished.

The thing is the next chapter of my reminiscing will be 1970 which was another year which upset me greatly so that chapter will be another long one unless I can manage to edit out some of the pain and produce a much shorter chapter. I did say, however, that I was going to publish and be damned, show you the true me, warts and all, which is one of the reasons I don’t want to leave out my fight with Ian. I also don’t want to leave out the pain I felt when we fought and the joy at making up with him again.

I don’t know whether or not it makes for a good story to tell things in detail but that is what I have to do with 1969 and 1970. These years were not easy to live through and should be difficult to write because of that. 1969 certainly is. I wonder if those who know me the best can see beyond the words to the pain I felt, the pain I caused hurt me so much more than I wanted to let on. Anyway, that chapter is almost done and I will check it for spelling and punctuation before posting it in the next few weeks.

In the meantime, thank you for having my back, your support means the world to me and it is the reason why I am able to support others going through similar experiences. I know I can help people to cope with pain, after all I was bullied at school and someone stepped in to save me. When I could reciprocate this action I did so alongside another friend at school and we used to beat up the bullies when we could and take a beating when we couldn’t. It showed though that the bullies were nothing to be scared of and that frightened them more than anything.

I still hate bullying and, I believe I mentioned the viral video going around showing racism and water boarding of a Syrian Refugee at his school here in England. Most of the comments I have seen regarding this video have been in condemnation of it so I know there are people out there who feel the way I do about bullies and bullying. Now that his time is almost up the biggest bully of all, tRump, is about to be removed from office and locked up for his treason against the American people. I hope this will signal an end to all the racism and hatred over there but somehow I doubt it will.

If there is one thing I absolutely hate it is violence against an individual by a racist, bigoted mob. I used to take on mobs at school with my friend, as I said we sometimes beat them even though we were outnumbered as bullies are basically cowards. When you start beating up the biggest two the rest, usually, will run for cover. Doesn’t always work that way but hey, if no one stands up to them they think they are teflon coated.

Anyway, I just want to say a huge thank you to every last one of you. You help me through the bad times and I like to repay that by sharing the good times with you, if any of you need my support you will have it, no questions asked and no explanation needed just ask me and I will be there for you and do whatever I can for you.

Mental illness is a bitch, especially depression and anxiety, they make you crawl inside yourself and the only person in the world who matters to you at that point is you. I hate feeling like I am the most important person in the world because, trust me, I’m not. I’m not even one of the most important people on the planet because I am insignificant compared to some of the great people I have shared this planet with. People like Einstein, Lennon, Harrison, Dylan, Kennedy (JFK), Michael Devlin (he used to be the Super in charge of the Metropolitan Police) and lastly Freddie Bulsaro and Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou. (For those of you who don’t know the final two they are Freddie Mercury and George Michael). I was a huge fan of David Bowie from the 1960’s onward, but I don’t consider him the same way I do the other previously mentioned musicians.

David Robert Jones was hugely important in the same way as Mark Feld. They helped me to come to terms with myself and look at myself through different eyes. In much the same way as Ian Anderson, Jon Anderson and Rick Wakeman helped me to relax and focus on something else for a while as I listened to their group albums (Jethro Tull, Yes and the Strawbs, then Yes).

I have an abundance of love for my fellow human beings on this planet and, if there is a God somewhere still watching over us, I hope he takes some pleasure in all the mayhem and shit he has created here. Because of all the hatred that has always been around I don’t believe there is a God, I will find out once I’m dead whether that is it or there is something else but by then it will be too late to care.

Is it only those following a particular religion who will be saved? Will the good all be saved regardless of which religion they follow or is religion all a sham? Every good (Holy?) book is written the same way, laying down rules to follow which seem to boil down to one thing LOVE. Yet everyone following rigidly any religion on this planet seem to focus on HATE. Why do you think that is? I think it’s because they know LOVE is powerful and gets nothing whereas HATE gets everything. HATE is fed by greed and gluttony and most people think that is what life should be all about. I don’t. I think life should be about helping each other, making sure that whenever anyone needs something and you can provide it you should do so without any need for reward. I have tried to live my life this way and it has not been easy but I feel blessed.

Men, women, children, you see them all around you all the time. Some people see them as human beings others will judge them on superficial things like skin colour. That isn’t necessary, they are all our brothers and sisters. No-one is a sex object, no-one deserves to be beaten because they are different. No-one deserves to be treated differently because of their social status. If I could wave a magic wand and have anything I wanted, there are only three things I would ever ask for:

  1. An end to war.
  2. An end to illness, and
  3. An end to poverty.

Altruistic goals you say, and you would be right. But if we work together we can achieve so much. Why should medicine be restricted to those who can’t afford to pay for it? Why should the pharmaceutical companies be worth so much money if not everyone can take advantage of their discoveries? Why should 1% of the population control 99% of the wealth of a country? The thing is, as long as we need money we will have greed and corruption. The corruption of some people is so absolute you will never believe what they are doing to gain and hold onto absolute power.