This is me, but I’m still the one you know

by davebarclay1954

Hello again, old friend and dear reader. I was just thinking of going to bed since I have a doctors appointment in the morning and then it hit me like a ton of lead – if I do I’ll only toss and turn until the alarm goes off or until I get up again as my head is churning with thoughts of pain and loneliness.

Don’t worry my dearest friend, I won’t do anything stupid (except stay up until I start falling asleep). I made a promise a long time ago that I would be here when you needed me and I intend to keep that since you are lost in a black hole and even though I’m reaching out to help you I’m being met with a wall of silence which tells me that you need me more now than at any other time since we’ve known each other.

I can’t tell you what it means to not hear you, or to see you. To wonder if you’re okay and settling into the sheltered accommodation or if you would like some company soon. All these thoughts go running around my head of the times we had together when you helped me to get over my marriage breaking up, and the pain she inflicted by her lies until she was caught out by telling them too often.

The way I repaid that by seeing you and helping you when you needed to cope with a crazy wife, yes mate we were there for each other through the dark times but when things started to turn bad for you again at the beginning of this year; you didn’t reach out to me. Why you wanted to do things yourself I don’t know, but I might have been able to help. I reached out to you so often then but you told me a few weeks ago you had been in the cuckoo’s nest again for 3 months and that’s why you hadn’t answered me. Trust me I only want what’s best for you and for you to find happiness, after all I know what you go through in the dark days, been there myself and I know what kind of hell it is.

I miss you mate because you are the only true friend I’ve ever known, one who gives of himself without asking for anything in return, and you found the same in me. I would die for you so you would never have to go through anything on your own so call me or write to me and let me know everything is okay and you’d like to meet up next week for a brew and a natter.

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