Introducing another chapter.
Today my son turns 18, I’m a few decades older as is his half sister. My daughter still wants nothing to do with me, she’s unable to forgive me for leaving her life so abruptly in 1997, almost 19 years ago. I’ve tried mending fences but the ball is now in her court, last time I tried was when my dad said she wanted me to get in touch, the letter I got back made it clear that she wasn’t just unhappy to hear from me but she wanted me to drop off the face of the earth.
For someone who had been told all his youth that he was useless and worthless by those who should have been encouraging his endeavour this was the straw that broke the camels back. I became morose and fey, tried to find a way to kill my self without leaving those behind worrying about why. Even my son couldn’t understand what I was going through. I was abusing the painkillers I was taking, giving myself 10 doses of 2 tablets instead of the maximum of 4. The doctor was querying why my script was being renewed so often but accepted that I was putting them out and then dropping a lot down the sink. Can’t do that now as they have to be signed for.
I recently found out, from my niece, that Sara and her husband had split up years ago but the person she was worried about telling was my dad as she hasn’t spoken to him since he told me she wanted to hear from me. I’m still concerned that she’s not been in touch with him as he tried to get us talking so I could meet my grandsons. That she doesn’t want them to know me still hurts to this day. Sorry but I’m going to have to end here.