Yellow matter custard

by davebarclay1954

Apologies, once again dear friends, I do find it helpful sometimes to get my inner feelings into the open, hence writing on here. However, there are times when I lay my soul bare and, reading back the words makes me feel even worse so I end up not publishing and just deleting that days post. After all I’m on here to lift my mood not bring you into my pain, dear reader, I do try to balance my words somewhat.

The reason I rarely put any pictures on my post is the same as the words I use, why introduce you into my paranoia when I want to shake this off? If I can be uplifting, amusing, entertaining despite my inner pain and phobia is that not beneficial for both of us? I’m not trying to be obtuse, just my nature to keep my pain inside and hidden. After all, the people who laugh loudest, are always smiling and ready with anecdotes are the ones who explore the deep dark prehistoric places within, those who don’t want others to feel their pain or anything close to it.

When someone has a mental breakdown, it’s not an admission of weakness merely that they can’t be strong any longer. I am still recovering and I know it’s going to be a long hard slog to get my pain and feelings back in check so I can become “the life and soul of the party” once again. I have to thank all those who send me their best wishes for a speedy “recovery”. I know it’s a long shot but if anyone knows my daughter, Sara, can they please tell her I’m so sorry for all the pain I’ve caused her over her brief life? Thank you once again for staying with me.