Once more unto the breach

by davebarclay1954

It’s been a while since I last came on here, not because I had nothing to say (as if I’d let that stop me) no, I’ve been way down in a deep dark place which I don’t really want to take anyone else into. The reason for this is that I’ve been applying for an average of 50 jobs a week, I either hear nothing back, other than confirmation that my application has been received. This government don’t rate mental illness as a disability so I either apply or lose my entitlement to benefit, I told my personal adviser I will not take a telesales position but he insists that I have to apply for these anyway. I used to work in an open plan office next to 30 telesales advisors. The turnover was horrendous with only 3 people who were there when I joined the company still there at the death.

Telesales chews you up, spits you out and completely ruins you mentally, no point in me doing it as I’m out of my tree already, I wouldn’t stick to a script no matter what, if someone doesn’t want what I’m selling then I think that’s their right. No way I would bully someone into taking something they didn’t want which would, presumably mean I was pushed out and back on benefits before you can say “That’s your lot Jack” if I’d wanted a sales job then I’d have gone for a permanent sales contract at BT.

Why oh why do people’s attitude’s change as soon as you tell them you’re disabled on account of having a mental illness. It seems that physical disabilities are ok, presumably because people can see them. If you lose your mind it can affect your ability to work more than losing an arm or a leg will. I’m well educated, well spoken and smile a lot, this is because of the attitudes I faced when I was depressed initially, in my teens. I don’t want others to know how low I feel, hence the smile, but there have been times recently when I crawled away and spent a lot of time with myself for company. People who, like me, are prone to depression and suicidal thoughts, are the happiest people you can ever meet, why? Because we don’t want others to know how low we are and we wouldn’t want to put anyone else through the pain and misery we know only too well.

Please, if you feel the way I do, or you know someone who is, don’t tell them to pull themselves together, or that there’s nothing wrong with them. We aren’t curtains, we have stronger feelings of self loathing and extremely low self esteem, telling us we’re healthy is likely to push us over the edge and the result of that is our own death.