It’s been a long, long, long time

by davebarclay1954

I know I haven’t been around here for what seems to be ages, I’m so sorry for neglecting you, dear reader, but I haven’t had any energy to do anything for such a long time. I’m not making excuses, or asking for sympathy, merely stating a fact.

I’m back but, again just a fact not an excuse, I’m not sure how long I can keep going. Everyday is a struggle, an uphill battle, my body seems intent on letting me down. The distance I can walk is getting shorter and shorter. I’ve had a sore throat for two months now and can’t shift it, I keep getting pains in my chest and they don’t feel good. I struggle to get dressed most days, so find I don’t bother, I am spending more and more time in my bed.

If this continues I don’t know what I’ll do, I lack motivation, the dull days don’t help, the rain doesn’t help and I don’t see any way out of this current depression. The government don’t help, the NHS haven’t got funding to care. Mental illness isn’t seen as an illness at all, at least not by this regime. They tell me I’m fit for work so have to look for a job, I’m getting no support just told that if I don’t apply for at least 10 jobs a week I will lose my benefit for 3 years. How is anyone supposed to live with no income? At least my laptop is portable so I can apply for jobs online. The problem would be how could I get to an interview in my current state of mind? The answer seems to be cross that bridge if it ever happens.

Every day feels like a good day to die, I pray I won’t wake up before going to sleep, every morning I curse the fact I’ve woken up. Is this a good way to live? I don’t think so, but what do I know. I’m only one of the people in my head. Schizophrenic? I don’t think I am, no. Bi-polar? I think I could be, in fact I’ve thought I might be a candidate for study. Manic behaviour patterns? Hell yes, I lash out for no reason, hurting the people I live with, hurting myself, but my GP thinks this is all normal.

What do I have to do to get help? This seems to be a country which doesn’t care, unless you are an asylum seeker, immigrant, or illegal alien. Yes the benefit system requires an overhaul, after all foreign nationals are coming over here and being given preferential treatment. It seems it’s now a crime to be ill unless you have contributed nothing to our economy. Why is it one rule for natives and yet the government bends over and asks to be f&@%ed up the anus, without lube just to ensure immigrants are well taken care of? We should be telling them all, come into Britain, we turn no-one away, but before you take anything you have to work and pay taxes for a minimum of 10 years before you can access free health care, any kind of benefit, and you go on a waiting list for social housing.

We need a government here which isn’t frightened of the backlash to make things tougher for foreign nationals to arrive here because our benefit system is a soft touch. I would gladly open the borders to allow anyone access as long as they’re prepared to work. Those are the immigrants we need, they are all hard workers and, in many cases, set themselves up to expand and create work in the future. Those who come here to claim benefit, housing, and handouts of cash, cars, free energy, these are the ones we should be telling work or get nothing.

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