Optional it is then

My last 2 attempts to write a blog failed miserably because as my English tutor in college told me, if you’re getting bored how can you expect others to stick with it?

I’ve managed to lose a day and a half and I want them back so if anyone knows who I can complain to (since God isn’t gonna do anything to give me them back) please let me know as soon as you can. Anyway I digest, I tend to do that a lot, I’ll start with one topic then 4 hours later we’ve covered almost everything from ants to music taking in politics and religion on the way through, but only if you can keep up otherwise I lose interest and switch off. Give me a chance and I’ll keep talking the whole day through with someone else who can jump from topic to topic as the mood takes them, I find it difficult to do on paper (or computer screen) sometimes though as I get no feedback as I go on.

I’ve started seeing a shrink and she told me my life story is absolutely fascinating but the one thing she has found is that for a long time now I’ve been following a self destruct path so it is a wonder I’m still here. I didn’t tell her that Mr. D. and I are old friends as he visited me when I was a youngster (apparently when I had meningitis the doctor gave me only a 10% chance of survival) and a few times since then I’ve tried to get him to take me but he keeps sending me back. I don’t know what I’ve done but it must’ve been bad if Death won’t take me yet…

I keep toying with the idea of going through my life and making notes of what I remember and see if I can write a book to cover the period from birth to now and then go through all the fun of sending it to publishers to see if they will publish (and pay me for the privilege). I start doing this and then I find something else to do which (at the time) seems more fun only to turn into another nightmare, then I get down (when I say down people suicide is not the option I consider to be lonely) I have attempted suicide more often than I care to think but something always goes wrong and someone will turn up just before I stop breathing (because Death sends out a call to my friends) and I’m still here.

I wish I could get some sleep sometime but I tend to come to life when others are going to bed (9 o’clock at night) and go to bed when I start thinking it’s that time again, usually about 5 or 6a.m. and sometimes I watch the sun rise before going to bed (not quite a vampire but close). Then it takes me at least two hours to go to sleep and at most four hours after I wake up and my brain is running through things at a very fast rate which means that I will have to get out of bed (eventually) as I’m unable to go back to sleep.

I think I’ve probably bored everyone now so it must be time to finish although I could keep going for a few hours yet as I’m not bored but if I finish now I’ll have a chance to spout some more tomorrow or later on anyway….